


Take me there

by HGLowlife



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Depression, F/M, M/M, Romance, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-18
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-26 23:16:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/971439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HGLowlife/pseuds/HGLowlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a depressed teenager, and Levi wants to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest, this fic is pretty much almost done. I just need to edit. 19-20 chapters probably. The difference in chapter longevity is quite big, some chapters, especially the early ones, are short but then some later chapters are really long.
> 
> There will be a change in POV every other chapter, at least for a while. 
> 
> And I'm sorry about Eren, he cries all the time. But let's be real, he cries all the time in the anime as well.  
> Also, here, Levi is just a regular guy. It seems like so many people make him a serial killer or drug addict or whatever, but I really couldn't be bothered. This fic focuses mostly on Eren actually. 
> 
> So yeah. I hope you enjoy. If any people out there like it I might as well upload the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 EDIT: I went back and read this, and it's absolutely awful, PLEASE DO NOT READ. Head over to my other fic, Indifference, instead. I've been in writing school for two years, and decided to do some editing on that one, which is way better than this one. I considered doing the same for this, but there are too many problems with this fic, and I cannot figure out what I was thinking when I wrote it.  
> I wanted to delete it, but when I wrote this one there were a few people who seemed to like it, and I remember when my favourite fic was taken offline and it broke my heart! I might delete it later on anyway though, if I get back to writing fanfiction.  
> So, if you're looking for a decent Ereri fic, check out Indifference, or some of my bookmarked works.

Eren Yeager opened the door to the apartment and stepped inside. It smelled like cigarettes and rotten food. It was dark in the hall, but once he stepped in to the living room it was dimly lit up by the tv which was still on. His drunk father was asleep on the couch. Eren didn’t bother to clean up the mess like he usually did, it was late, he’d been walking the city for hours, and he was tired. He went straight to his room, falling on his back onto the bed, and stared up at the ceiling. His stomach growled, but he was too lazy to get up again. He didn’t feel like eating anyways, he had had enough pasta for the entirety of his life.

As his eyes got wet, he wondered if there was a way to turn things around. How could he? This wasn’t fair, he thought. He was just a boy, felt like one at least. But Eren had to take care of the flat, make sure his father got up for work in the mornings so that they could live, go to school and do his homework. At home he felt imprisoned, he would lay like this for hours at a time, sometimes crying, other times listening to music or the sound or his life wasting away. There was no motivation left in him, he barely ate, and the only reason he got up in the morning was so he could get out of this cage of his. Not that school was any better, though. On this particular day, he felt he’d had enough. Despite being tired, he was still restless.

Instead of going to sleep, Eren hurried back through the living room, through the hallway, the door, ran down the stairs and stumbled out on the streets. Where would he go? Where could he go? That’s right. Nowhere. He was on his own, not only in the night but in this world. He had no money, no job, and no future.

He went down to the underground, picked a random line and got on the train. Sitting there at this time of the day made him nervous, but at least feeling nervous was better than feeling nothing. The sound of the trains accelerating in his ears was actually quite comfortable, and he thought he could listen to his sound forever. At least it was better than the pop-punk he’d usually put to his ears. The sound was calm, it was neither happy nor sad. It didn’t matter if you were late for a meeting or whatever, the trains weren’t going to go any faster. They were always the same. In a good way though, the underground represented a stability that existed in order to make life easier for people, something which Eren lacked in his own life. After a while, the trains stopped running, and Eren had to go back outside, and found himself in a part of town he didn’t know very well.

The buildings around him were tall and the streets were narrow. He was definitely lost, but didn’t care. He just wanted to disappear from the surface of the Earth. He sat down in a dark alley behind a container. He leaned back against the wall of the building, and looked up to the clouded sky. Would he ever be happy? There was no way. Eren did not only hate his life, but also himself. He was unable to get himself back off the ground.

After a while he heard voices. He didn’t care to look up until three bodies stood before him, looking down. “Well, what’s this?” one of the guys said. He was quite big, and the tone in his voice could not be mistaken as anything else than aggression. “You hanging out so late? Don’t you have somewhere to be, kid?”

Eren gathered some effort to answer him. “I don’t want any trouble, just leave me alone.” He didn’t bother to look at them, and the guy was clearly angered by this.

“Hey, I’m talking to you! Why the hell are you lurking around here with that sulking face of yours anyway? Your parents took away your iPhone or something?”

Finally Eren looked up at him, and said, “actually, that trouble is starting to sound good right now. Just give it all you got.”

“The fuck is your problem?” yelled the guy and grabbed Eren’s shirt by the collar. “You think you can mess with us?” He started banging Eren against the wall, while the other two boys kicked him. “We’ll teach you not to talk back at us, you little piece of shit.”

As Eren lay on the ground getting the shit beat out of him, he realised that he wanted to die. If these guys killed him in this instant he would be very thankful to them. Life didn’t really mean anything to him, and he’d take bruises and broken bones over the mental despair any day. It didn’t seem like the boys were going to stop beating him, and he truly thought his life was going to end.


	2. Chapter 2

Levi was casually standing outside the apartment building smoking a cigarette. He hadn’t been able to sleep, he rarely was, and found nothing could cure his insomnia. Although it wasn’t the insomnia that was really the problem, he was more bothered by the lack of meaning to his life. With nothing in particular to live for, except for his own survival, he was bored.

The neighbourhood in which he lived was pretty sketchy, and it might even have been dangerous going out so late at night, if it were someone other than himself, of course. But Levi was strong, a soldier, and wasn’t scared of anything. He finished the cigarette and threw it into to the dark. He was just about to go back up the stairs, when he heard something. It sounded like angry voices, drunk voices, but he couldn’t make out any words. He carefully looked around the corner, and could see the three guys standing over a still body on the ground, kicking and shouting at it. Levi couldn’t walk away from this unfair scenario, and hurried over there.

“What the hell is going on here?” he asked.

The biggest of the guys looked down at Levi. “Just teaching this little prick here a lesson,” he said, and made a gesture with his head towards the body.

“Beat it, before I beat the crap out of you,” Levi said.

The guy didn’t look alarmed at all, and took a step closer to Levi in order to intimidate him. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing-”

He was cut of by Levi’s hand grabbing him and throwing him to the ground. “Leave.”

Once the guys had disappeared, Levi turned to the body on the ground. He couldn’t see much in the dark, but he could tell it was a man, and he was highly unconscious. Levi sighed, before picking him up and carrying him back to his apartment.

It was only when the body had been placed on his couch, in a properly lit room that Levi could notice that the body was in fact a young boy. Couldn’t be more than eighteen. His face was badly damaged, it was turning both blue and yellow in several places. Levi felt the sadness overwhelm him as he imagined the pain this creature must have taken from those guys. He felt sorry for him. He had began contemplating taking him to the emergency centre after all, when the boy started moving and opened his eyes. Levi had felt sorry for the boy earlier, but now he couldn’t even put his apprehension into words.

The eyes of the boys were the most sorrowful he had ever seen, and the first words that came out of his mouth were: “I’m not dead? Did you save me?” He almost sounded disappointed.

Levi brought the boy to the bathroom to care for his wounds. His lower lip had cracked open and was bleeding. “I can take you to a doctor in the morning,” Levi said.

“No,” the boy replied instantly. “There’s no need. I’m fine.”

Levi could tell these exact words had been told so many times it was an automatic answer. “What’s your name?”

The kid hesitated before answering. “Eren.”

“Is there a last name that comes with that?” Another pause before he answered. “...Yeager.”

“Tell me, how old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“What happened with those guys? What did you do to piss them off so much?”

Eren stared at the floor with a scowl on his face. “Nothing, I was at the wrong time and place. They seemed like they just wanted to punch someone.”

“This is a dangerous area, do you live nearby?”

“No.”

“Then what where you doing here?”

“Nothing.” Eren didn’t want to answer any of these question, that much was clear from the short answers he gave, and the fact that he refused to meet Levi’s eyes. Levi worried that the boy was doing drugs or something, and wanted him out as soon as possible. But he couldn’t exactly kick him out at three in the morning, especially when the boy could barely move on his own.

“You can sleep on the couch for now,” Levi said. “But I expect some answers in the morning.” After preparing a sheet and handing Eren a pillow and a blanket, Levi went back to the bathroom to take a shower. There was no way he’d go to bed in this state.

Once he got out and went back through the living room, Eren was already asleep. Levi walked closer, and studied him. Eren looked peaceful in his sleep, his breathing slow and steady. His face was still that of a young boy, and Levi doubted he’d even started shaving yet. The hair was dark brown and split awkwardly in the middle on his forehead. It was almost a beautiful sight, until Levi took notice of them. Eren was sleeping on his back, and had his arms over his face. Tiny lines of white and red were revealed behind the sleeves that had slid down. _So that’s how it is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm without internet guys.


	3. Chapter 3

When Eren awoke in the unfamiliar surroundings he was first confused, before remembering the events of the night before. The man who had saved him was leaning sideways into a door entrance, looking at Eren. The man wasn’t very tall, his skin was pale, and he had this beautiful, black, smooth hair with an unusual undercut.

“Finally came to, did you?”

“Who are you?” Eren asked.

“My name is Levi,” he answered, and proceeded to throw a towel at Eren. “Get yourself cleaned up. Shower’s that way, if you can’t remember.”

Eren got up, which was more painful than he had anticipated. Every point on his body hurt, and he limped over to the bathroom. Well inside, he undressed and got in the shower. The hot water burned on his skin, not only on the bruises from last night, but his self-inflicted wounds also stung. Once he got out, he heard a knock on the door, and had only enough time to wrap the towel clumsily around his waist before Levi entered.

“My clothes will probably not fit you, but there’s no way in hell you’re wearing those bloody leftovers in my house.” He handed Eren a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt. “This’ll do.” Before leaving, Levi lingered his eyes on Eren’s body, and Eren knew he could see them. The damage he’d taken from those guys, which had taken various colours by now, but also the older wounds, those he had gotten from bullies and the cuts he had made himself all over his body. He felt ashamed, and blood rose to his face.

After Eren had gotten dressed, he went back into the living room, prepared to leave, but Levi ordered him to sit on the couch. A mug of coffee was placed in Eren’s hands, and Levi told him to drink it. Eren held his hands tight around the cup, for some reason he was cold, and felt the warmth of the drink burn his fingers. Levi sat down in the smaller couch on the side, with a mug of his own. The silence was awkward, neither of them said anything for a couple of minutes, but Levi didn’t take his eyes off Eren for a second.

“Do you have a home?” Levi finally asked.

Eren looked into his cup when he answered. “I wouldn’t really call it a home,” he almost snorted.

“I see. Do you do any drugs?”

Eren looked up in disbelief at the older man. “What? No! No, of course not.”

Now they stared into each others eyes, and Levi was clearly trying to validate Eren’s answer. “What about your parents. Your cell hasn’t rung at all, shouldn’t they be worried?” The words hit Eren right where it hurt the most, and he looked away as he answered.

“My mom’s dead,” he said. “And my dad... he, well, he wouldn’t notice. If I’m gone, I mean."

“I’ll take you to a doctor, no, the hospital,” Levi said.

“No!” Eren suddenly yelled. “Please, don’t! I’ll leave right away, you’ll never see me again, I swear!”

Levi looked at him, with a stone facial expression which was impossible for Eren to read. “Are you an idiot? Do you think I can turn my fucking back at this? You’re clearly not able to take care of yourself.”

Eren blinked. “What... do you mean?”

“What I mean is, I’m not the kind of person who’d let a child walk back out on the streets only to be found dead in an alley or a river a day later. You have to see a doctor.”

“No, I don’t,” Eren snapped back. “I’m fine, I don’t need to see anyone! And I’m not a child.” He could hear the immaturity in his own words as he said this, and felt even more ashamed. Another attribute to add to the list of reasons why Eren Yeager hated himself.

“You’ll just run away again if I take you back to your place, am I right?” When Eren didn’t answer, Levi sighed. “Fine, you can stay here then.”

“What?” Eren said, more confused than ever. “What are you talking about? That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, I don’t even know you!”

“You said yourself you don’t have any other place to go.”

“I never said that.”

“But am I wrong?”

Eren cursed internally. Of course Levi wasn’t wrong, but what would be the point of him staying here? The place was small, he would only be in the way. Besides, things weren’t going to change. Still, Eren wondered why this man would go through so much trouble for a lowlife like him. He hadn’t been wrong about Eren being likely dead in a day either. It’s not like he had anything to live for.

“Here’s a suggestion. You can stay here for a few days, say, a week, and if you do everything I tell you to, I’ll let you leave and do whatever the fuck you want with yourself after that. If you try to run I’ll call the cops and have you admitted to a facility.”

“Why?” Eren asked, he could feel the nausea up his throat and his eyes stinging. “Why are you doing this to me? I don’t want any help and you don’t have any obligations to me. Why can’t you just let me be?”

To Eren’s surprise, Levi shrugged. “It’s my responsibility as a respectable human being, or something like that. I don’t know. But I’m telling you, I refuse you see a kid like you throw his life away. You’re still young, aren’t you?”

“I can leave after a week?” asked Eren.

“Wherever you want to go.”

“How do I even know you won’t hurt me or rape me or something?” He was calm when he said this, there was no fear in his voice. The possibility of this actually happening wasn’t scaring him, he couldn’t care less, but he’d rather die sooner than later if that was the case. Levi gave a short laugh. “You won’t. But I’ll tell you this, I don’t care for little brats.”


	4. Chapter 4

Levi wasn’t too happy about the circumstances. He didn’t want the kid living with him, but it was as he had said; he couldn’t turn his back on him. And since Eren had begged him not to call a doctor, he saw no other way. Sending Eren back to wherever he lived before would be sending him to his death. Levi had seen the scars on Eren’s body, they were everywhere. His arms, legs, hips, abdomen. They weren’t scratches from animals, or accidental work injuries, it was obvious that Eren had been harming himself, in addition to getting beat up by others. Levi wondered about Eren’s life, but had decided early on not to ask about it. Yet, anyway.

After the long talk, Levi got up and announced he had to go to work. He had called in this morning to say he might not make it, but in the end he trusted the boy not to go anywhere. And he doubted Eren could make it down all those stairs in his current state anyway. “There’s food in the kitchen, help yourself to whatever you want. Don’t eat in the living room and clean up after. Watch TV or something until I get back. Read a book, fuck, I don’t know. Just don’t make any mess.”

“Wait!” Eren said before Levi close the door behind him.

“What?” he said angrily.

“Where do you work?” asked the younger boy curiously.

“In a bookstore,” Levi answered. Of all the questions Eren could have asked him, this was probably the dumbest, Levi thought to himself.

Levi enjoyed his job, it wasn’t the best pay, but he was mostly in storage and doing the paperwork, and only occasionally had to face the customers. His co-workers were alright, they didn’t bug him too much and accepted his quiet nature. They'd talk to him sometimes, but they carried the conversations themselves, so Levi rarely said anything at all.

x

Levi resisted the urge to google “how to take care of a teenager” as he got into his car to go home. “How to take care of a depressed person” would probably have been better, though. He laughed ironically to himself, hadn’t he just last night thought about how boring life had been? Well now it seemed like he had gotten himself a new project.

On the way he stopped to pick up some Chinese for tonight’s dinner. He didn’t like cooking that much, especially on work days, and this particular day had been too much for him to handle. He smoked not one, but two cigarettes before going up to his apartment. Eren was indeed still there, asleep in front of the TV, drooling on Levi’s precious furniture.

“Oi, brat!” Levi shouted at him.

Eren opened his eyes, and looked at him. “Welcome back,” he said while stretching.

“Stop getting your filthy saliva all over my couch. Clean that up now.” Levi paused, and then said: “You can come into the kitchen after, I brought dinner.”

x

Over the next few of days, neither of the two said much. Eren slept a lot, probably 16 hours a day, and when he wasn’t sleeping he was cleaning or doing laundry on Levi’s order. Eren seemed to try his best not to be in the way, and didn’t ask anything of Levi. He helped out with the chores, and sometimes he would offer to cook dinner. When Levi asked Eren if he wanted to come with him to the grocery store, or any other place, he politely declined. Whenever Levi returned, he would find Eren asleep.

Eren smiled a lot as well. A lot. Much to Levi’s dismay, who himself rarely smiled at all. Levi couldn’t understand where this miserable boy would find the energy to grin like a star crossed lover all the time, but he figured that was part of the facade. However, Eren never talked, so Levi thought he looked like a mannequin or an advert model.

Although Levi was amused by all of this, and it certainly spiced up his everyday life, he knew the poor kid had to be saved, in some way. But quite frankly, Levi had no idea how to help. He wasn’t a people person.

“Go back to school,” Levi said one day.

Eren looked up at him with those puppy-like eyes. “I can’t,” he said.

“Yes, Eren, you can, and you will. I’ll drive you there, and even pick you up when you’re done.” Before Eren had the chance to protest, Levi decided it was the “end of discussion,” and Eren went quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, kudos and bookmarks. It's very interesting to see that people actually like this story, and it means a lot to me. Makes me want to keep writing (:


	5. Chapter 5

Eren stood outside his own apartment, not looking forward to going inside. He hadn’t been there in days, and he was sure his dad hadn’t tidied or cleaned since he left. He went in, and when he couldn’t see his dad anywhere he went straight to his room. He picked up a bag, got some clothes, and his school bag. He hesitated at first, but then went under his bed and got a small black box as well. God, how he had missed them. When he returned to the living room, his father was there.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked Eren. “I haven’t seen you in days.” He reeked of alcohol.

“I’m staying with a friend for a while,” he said without meeting his father’s eyes.

“What friend?” his dad asked persistently, knowing well that Eren didn’t have any.

“It’s none of your business. Leave me alone!” Eren ran past the figure and out the door.

As he quickly walked down the stairs he ran into the girl next door.

Mikasa Ackerman was a pretty girl, half Asian, she had black hair and was tall, about the same height as himself. “Eren!” she said, clearly surprised when she saw him.

“Sorry, didn’t see you,” he said, and was about to go on.

But Mikasa took a hold of his arm. “I haven’t seen you in a while,” she said.

“Well, I’ve just been busy, you know,” he lied.

“You haven’t been at school either.”

It surprised him that the girl had noticed. They rarely talked, and she belonged to a entirely different group of people than him. He knew of Mikasa, most people did. She was popular, good at sports, got straight A’s, and had lots of friends. So when she asked him about this, he was confused, but tried his best to hide it. “Don’t worry, I’m coming back today.”

She smiled at him. “I’m glad, I was afraid something had happened to you.”

When Eren got back into Levi’s car, he couldn’t shake what had just happened. Perhaps that was just what Mikasa Ackerman was like? Nice to everybody. That was probably also why she was so popular.

“How did it go?” asked Levi.

Eren didn’t answer, but looked up towards the door he had escaped, and then towards the girl entering next door, as they drove away.

x

All too soon, Eren found himself walking through the gates of his school.

Armin ran up to him right away, and started asking questions. “Eren! Where have you been? Why haven’t you replied to my texts? I was worried sick you know.”

“Ah, sorry, I’ve just been down with a really bad flu,” Eren said while scratching his back. He never felt bad about lying anymore, he’d gotten so used to it.

“You could have texted me,” Armin mumbled. “Being here without you wasn’t easy.”

Hearing these words made Eren feel bad though. He hadn’t even thought about his friend and how he’d cope alone. Eren had just assumed everyone would be better off without him, but it now hit him that Armin was someone who wouldn’t. “Hey, I’m sorry, I was really ill. But I’m back now, and I won’t leave again.”

“I’m glad to hear you’re well,” was Armin’s reply. “Just send me a text the next time.”

“I promise,” Eren said with a grin on his face and thumb up in the air.

While the boys walked to class, Armin filled Eren in on some of the things he had been missing in various subjects. Eren tried his best at seeming like he was paying attention, but school was something he wasn’t very good at. He had managed so far, since high school was so easy anyway, but he knew he was close to failing a few subjects. He tried to hide this from Armin, he already had enough on his mind himself, and Eren didn’t want him to fall behind by trying to tutor him.

Suddenly, Eren was pushed from behind, and fell to the floor.

“Look who’s back,” someone said behind him. When Eren turned he could see it was Jean Kirstein and his gang. “Couldn’t stay away from us, huh?”

“Fuck off,” Eren said as he gathered his stuff.

“Leave him alone, Jean,” Armin said. “He’s done nothing to you.”

“Who asked you Arlert? Do you want another session with us after school today as well?”

Eren hurridly got on his feet. “Don’t fucking touch him. I swear, if you do-”

“What? You’re gonna kick my ass?” Jean was teasing him, and Eren knew he wouldn’t stand a chance against him and his crew.

“Come on, Armin, we’re leaving,” Eren said and quickly pulled Armin away.

“I wish he’d stop being such a bully,” Armin whispered.

“Nothing to do about it,” said Eren, as they entered their classroom.

x

Hiding from Jean was useless. He waited for Eren and Armin at the school gates as usual once they were dismissed for the day. “Did you think I’d let you get away? It’s nice to see you again, Yeager, I really missed my punching bag.”

Eren didn’t answer him, and tried to walk on. When Jean’s friends grabbed on to Armin, however, he stopped. “I told you not to touch him,” Eren said angrily.

Jean laughed, and stroke his hand over Armin’s head. “Yeah? Who’s gonna stop me?”

“I’m telling you to quit it right now. Let go of him.” When Jean refused listen, Eren punched him in the face. Eren received a punch back, and before he knew it, he was left on the ground again. Jean and his friends had had their way with him.

“Eren! Oh my god, Eren, are you okay?”

Eren smiled up at Armin. “Of course I am, don’t worry. What about you?”

“I’m so sorry, Eren.”

“It’s not your fault, they’re just a bunch of assholes who’s got nothing better to do than make trouble for other people. Don’t worry about me, I’ve had it worse.” Eren got up off the ground and grabbed his bag. “Are you going to be alright on your way home?”

Armin nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be fine, but what about you? Do you want me to walk with you?”

“No,” Eren said. “I’ll see you Monday.”

When Armin had left, Eren headed for the meeting spot he’d agreed on with Levi, a few blocks away so no one would notice. As the other had promised, he was waiting in his car. Eren got in, and Levi looked angrily at him. “Why are there fresh bruises on your face?” he asked.

Eren ignored him. He didn’t want to talk about it, not with anyone, especially not Levi. The man was still a stranger to Eren, and he couldn’t figure out why on earth he seemed to care so much. But Eren didn’t confide in people, not even Armin, and he would not start with Levi. Although Eren was grateful to him for letting him stay at his place, he wouldn’t lower his guard or get attached. Eren knew too well that people couldn’t be trusted, and talking about his feelings wouldn’t exactly help his situation anyway.

Once they got back, Eren grabbed a few clothes and the box from his bag, and hurried to the bathroom. He stripped to his boxers, then proceeded to open the box. He stared at his razors with a faint smile on his face, he had been itching to get a hold on them for days. He picked one up, and slid it fast across the skin on his forearm. After a few seconds, crimson droplets appeared. Next, he proceeded to use the razor on his thigh, slower and deeper this time, so that the feeling was intensified. It wasn’t painful to him, only stung a bit. He felt a familiar sense of relief coming over him, and finally Eren felt as close to good as he could get.

The water from the shower mixed with the blood from his new scars as he stood motionless. The burning sensation returned to him once again as the almost too hot water collided with the open lines on his body. It was a comfortable pain, a pain he new he deserved. He was careful to remove all traces of blood, and patched himself up with some bandages before he got dressed. He was sure if Levi knew the things Eren had just been doing in his bathroom, he would definitely get mad. There were only a few more days that Eren had to stay here, then he could finally go through with his original plan. But then Armin’s words hit him: _Being here without you wasn’t easy._ As Eren realised he couldn’t leave his best and only friend alone in this rotten world, he fell to the floor and silently cried.


	6. Chapter 6

Levi was working on dinner when Eren got out of the suspiciously long shower. At least he was finally dressed in his own clothes, which Levi had to admit looked much better on him. But as the boy walked over to the kitchen, Levi noticed the boy was limping. Did he really take that much damage at school? Eren offered to help, and Levi told him to slice some vegetables. It didn’t take long before Eren had managed to cut himself, and Levi ripped the knife out of his hands.

“Be careful for fucks sake,” Levi said as he put a bandage on Eren’s finger.

“It’s fine, it doesn’t hurt or anything,” Eren said with a grin on his face.

Levi hated that smile, because he knew too well how fake it was.

Eren fell asleep right after dinner that night, going to school must have sucked the energy right out of him. Levi was hesitant of going to bed himself that night, something didn’t feel right, but he couldn’t place his finger on it. He still went to bed at the appropriate time, but was unable to close his eyes. Around 2 in the morning, he got up, pulled out a cigarette from his pack and grabbed a lighter. In the living room he noticed the absence of Eren, and walked over to the bathroom. He knocked on the door.

“Eren, are you in there?” He got no reply, so he opened the door.

Eren was on the floor, with a razor in his hand. There was blood on the floor, and on his clothes and skin. He’d probably fallen asleep or even passed out like this. Levi was completely taken aback by the sight, and for a moment had no idea what to do. He simply stood there for a couple of minutes, staring. Maybe it was a dead case after all. Levi bandaged Eren’s arms and threw the box of razors in the trash. He cleaned the bathroom, and carried Eren back to the couch.

It was already past noon when Eren woke up with Levi sitting on the couch next to him. “Today is Saturday. We’re going on a trip.”

Eren looked confused, and probably couldn’t understand how he’d ended up there. “But, I...”

“I threw out your razors,” said Levi ruthlessly.

Eren turned red. “What? But you can’t-”

“Shut up, you suicidal fuck. You are not to harm yourself any more, and you will smile again. I get it, school sucks. People are dicks are they bug you for no reason. But that is no reason to give up on your entire life. If I’m not wrong, you’re a senior this year and will be graduation next summer. You’ll never even see those pricks again after that, and you’re not even willing to wait those 10 months? Get up and come with me.”

“Where are we going?” Eren asked.

“You’ll see.”

Eren awkwardly got dressed and got in the car with Levi. After driving about ten minutes, he pulled up at the drive through.

“We’re going to eat fast food?” Eren asked unbelievably. “

Shut up. Tell me what you want. You’re hungry, right?”

Eren stared at the hands in his lap. “Maybe some fries?”

Levi turned towards Eren and gave him the most terrifying glare he could pull off. “Tell me what the fuck you want to eat, stop being such a wimp, and get a proper meal.”

After getting their food, Levi told Eren he was forbidden from eating in the car, and they drove for a few more minutes until Levi stopped at a seemingly abandoned parking lot. Once they were out of the car, Levi sat down at a concrete brick, facing a great forest behind it.

“Sit.”

Eren quickly obeyed.

Levi handed him the food, and watched as Eren took a few bites.

“It’s good?”

Eren nodded. “Yes, very much, I...” Tears began welling up in his eyes, as he forcefully ate another mouthful. “Thank you,” he whispered, still with food in his mouth.

“Tell me about yourself,” Levi said, while pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

Eren swallowed loudly before starting his monologue.

“My family was happy once, until my mother died unexpectedly when I was 13. It made me very sad; she had been good to me. I haven’t been the same since. Things around me got dark. My father couldn’t handle her death either. He started drinking, and since then I had to take care of things at home and myself. He works in an office, but spends all his money on alcohol. I don’t have any friends, only one, Armin. He’s really clever and I admire him so much. I wish I could be like him. But some jerks at school are jealous of him, they’ve always been, and they keep making things hard for him. So I try to protect him, but I’m not strong enough to face all of them on my own. That’s pretty much how it’s been since middle school. Personally I’m not very smart, and I don’t have any skills. It doesn’t matter whether I finish high school, it’s not like I can afford college or even have the brains for it. And I can’t even get a job, I’ve tried but no one will hire me. Why would they, right? And even if I did manage to get one, what the hell would I be working and living for? I don’t even know. Most of the time I can’t move, I become paralysed without wanting to. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, but I can think. Think of my sorry excuse for a life. I wanted it to be over, I really did, but I realised I can’t end it because of Armin, he needs me, I have to be there for him even if the only thing I can do is get my ass kicked. He needs me but I can’t even help him. I hate myself.”

Eren was crying hard now. He kept trying to wipe his tears away with the back of his hands, but new ones would appear and eventually he just kept the palms on his face.

“And the cutting?” Levi asked calmly.

“I can’t believe you would take the razors away from me. They’re the only thing that keeps me sane. As long as I have them, I can get through any day, no matter how tough. I need them because using them gives me purpose, something to do. They help me control the pain and they stop me from crying. I really hate you.”

For some reason, it hurt Levi to hear the boy say he hated him. It wasn’t fair, after all he’d done to try and help. But Levi understood that it was the depression that was talking, not Eren himself. He had sunk into a shaking ball of crying mess, and tried hard to control himself.

Levi put his hand on Eren’s shoulder. “You’re allowed to let it out.” And with that, Eren sobbed for a good hour before going quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I'm going to make a little confession. 
> 
> This is pretty much the first fan fic I've ever written. Well, I did a few very short one shots before but this is the longest piece of literature I've ever written, fanfiction or not. 
> 
> When I started out I was really excited and proud but now that I look back on what I've written I just go ugh. What was I even thinking. 
> 
> But it pleases me to know that some of you guys like it and I aspire to become a better writer, so I'll continue to write.


	7. Chapter 7

After crying his heart out, Eren was once again out of energy. He almost fell asleep in the car, and plumped down on the couch as soon as they got back to Levi’s flat. After a few hours, however, Levi woke him up and told him to get up.

“We’re going out, and this time you’re coming,” he said.

Eren went to the bathroom to wash his face. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw how swollen the skin around his eyes had become, partly from sleeping and partly from crying. It was red, and stung when he touched himself.

“Where are we going now?” Eren asked as he got into the car.

“To rent a movie,” Levi answered him.

“You woke me up just for _that_?” Eren said with disbelief.

“Yes, I did. It’s about time you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start functioning again. Where do you think sleeping on your ass is gonna get you? Eren, you’re almost an adult.”

“You don’t need to remind me,” he mumbled, and felt even worse.

Levi grabbed Eren’s shoulder and turned him to that they stood face to face, Levi looking up at him. “Listen to me. Things are going to be ok. You will be happy again. You don’t believe that right now because your vision is blurred by your illness, but things aren’t as bad as they seem. The road to recovery is long and hard, but not unachievable, all it requires it that you try. You have to try, even if just a little. For people with anxiety, simply going to the store to buy a pack of gum is a huge accomplishment. For anorexic people eating an apple can be their greatest achievement in months. For shy people, it can be just raising their hand in class. You see, you can’t change the world in a day. You have to take baby steps. All I want from you is to try, and not give up all hope. Actually, hope is probably the best weapon you have against depression. And if you feel like shit you can talk to me and I will listen because I don’t have anything better to do.”

Eren swallowed hard and looked down at the man who had given him such a wonderful speech. Levi was in some weird way right, because even though Eren couldn’t find the pros about his current situation, he didn’t really want to give up. Eren wanted to want to live, he just didn’t know how he could or why he would deserve to. “I’ll try my best,” he said eventually.

As they walked out the door Levi spoke again: “Remember to count your blessings”.

“I don’t have any,” Eren answered immediately.

“That’s not true. You just have to think a little harder.”

Despite being as indecisive as they come, Eren was forced to pick a movie at the rental shop. It was a difficult task, since he was terrified of picking something that Levi would hate.

“Just choose whatever you want,” Levi told him, but Eren didn’t even know what he liked himself, and it took them a good half hour just to find a movie. He chose a decent looking horror movie, attempting to make himself look brave, or something like that.

Once they were back in Levi’s flat, they popped some popcorn and sat down in the same couch, in order to share the snacks easier.

“Hey, Levi?” Eren asked before Levi had the time to start the movie.

“What do you want, brat?”

“I just, well, wanted to thank you. For everything, I guess. And I’m sorry.”

“What the hell are you sorry for?”

“You know, for you having to do all of this for me. Taking me in and letting me stay here even though I’m a worthless nobody. For having to deal with me.”

“I don’t have to deal with anything if I don’t want to. You don’t get it, kid. I’m letting you stay here because I believe that you’re worth the life you were given, and I want you to learn that as well.”

“Can I stay, then?”

“If you don’t mind this shitty couch.”

Eren smiled, and for the first time in a long time he felt it was genuine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so frustrated because I was supposed to have internet 2 weeks ago but instead I'm sitting in McDonald's uploading this, and getting fatter by the minute.


	8. Chapter 8

The damn kid fell asleep during the movie, and leaned against Levi’s shoulder for the rest of the evening. Levi didn’t want to wake him up, especially not to this position, so he just sat like that in silence. Even after the end credits, he stayed.

The past days had been so strange for Levi. Having another human being around him all the time had been stressful, but not as much as he had expected. In fact, he felt different, but in a good way. The place wasn’t so lonely anymore, even though Levi didn’t mind feeling lonely, not feeling lonely was also a surprisingly alright way to feel. And as stupid as it sounded in his own head, he finally had some sort of purpose. Take care of the kid. His days were no longer filled with emptiness, but instead there was another person who was depending on him.

He looked down at the boy next to him, and ran his fingers through the dark brown hair. The boy was pretty like this, asleep, because he had a peaceful look on his face. Levi realised that he had begun to care about Eren, in some weird way. All he could think about was how happy it made him to have something to come home to, and that he wanted to see the younger boy smile for real. “I’ll try my best too, Eren,” he whispered into the boys head, and fell asleep too.

x

When Levi awoke, the first thing he noticed was that Eren had slid down to his lap, and Levi himself was resting his head on the boy’s hip. It was a strange position they were in, uncomfortable, but at the same time the warmth of another person run through him in a feverishly good way. _What the hell_ , Levi thought, before remembering how they both had managed to fall asleep the night before. A quick look towards the clock on the wall told him that it was still very early in the morning.

He sat up, removed Eren from his lap carefully, and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. A cold one. After getting dressed he made himself a cup of coffee and sat down on the second couch in the living room, staring at the wall while still being too tired to think properly.

After a while, Eren’s body coiled, and two big, green eyes looked up at the older man from the couch. “Good morning,” he said, with an unnaturally goofy smile on his face.

Levi didn’t say anything, only exchanged a look with the boy, and continued to scowl at the wall. “

I think I missed the ending,” Eren continued with a yawn.

“Don’t worry, it was crap,” Levi replied. “I’m not surprised you fell asleep.”

“Can I say something?” Eren asked as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Shoot.”

“It’s about the blessings. I think I found one.”

Levi raised his eyebrows. “Oh really? Let us hear.”

Eren fiddled nervously with his elbows, before staring directly into Levi’s eyes, not taking his gaze away as he spoke. “It’s you. You’re my blessing.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, while Levi processed what he had just heard. Then he snorted and looked away in order to hide his embarrassment. “That’s one way to look at it.”

After a few more minutes of silence, Levi got up again. “Breakfast?” he asked.

“I’m not really hungry,” Eren said quietly.

“Like hell you aren’t,” was Levi’s reply. “Come on, we can make waffles or something.”

They made breakfast together, and Levi noticed Eren was unusually cheerful. He talked a bit more, asked about the recipe, and told Levi a story about how his mother had been a great cook. “She would always make omelettes or pancakes in the mornings, even on weekdays,” he said. “Man, I really miss her.” He brought a hand up to his face to cover his nose and mouth, and looked up towards the roof.

“It’s only natural,” Levi said, and noticed how much more grown up Eren suddenly looked from where Levi stood.

“I guess,” Eren said and laughed a little.

“What about you?” he asked.

“What about me?” Levi said with a sinister tone.

“I don’t know, there’s not much I know about you now that I think about it. Do you get along with your parents?”

“They’re both dead,” Levi said uninterested.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Eren asserted.

“Don’t be, kid. It was a long time ago.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?” He sounded so sincere and Levi knew the boy had only good intentions when he asked.

But the death of his parents was something Levi had put in the past and was meant to stay there. “No.”

“Then, can I ask you something else?”

“What’s up with all the questions today? Aren’t you unusually nosy.”

“How old are you, really?”

This question threw Levi a bit off guard. “Why do you want to know that?”

“Just curious, I guess.”

“I’m 27.”

“Not that old then.”

“Who the hell are you calling old?”

Eren had a grin across his face and stuck out his tongue to Levi. “Just kidding.”

“Wow,” Levi said sarcastically.

“Don’t you have any friends?” Eren asked him after that.

“No.”

“Why not?”

Levi rolled his eyes and turned towards the boy. “Because, brat,” he began in a matter-of-fact tone, “not everyone needs friends. Not everyone being me, because people are mean and they stab you in the back eventually and it’s too much of a hazard for me to bother with.”

“Why would you say something like that?” Eren asked him, a bit more insecure now.

“I just don’t like people, ok?”

“What about me?”

“I can tolerate you.”

“I bet you love having me around. It’s too quiet here anyway.”

“Said the boy who didn’t speak a word for an entire week.”

They continued to fool around the kitchen, throwing comments at each other, and after a while they even threw some food. After properly cleaning up, since Levi refused to leave his beloved cooking area a mess, they sat down in front of the tv and finished the movie while they ate.

“That was so disappointing,” Eren complained as soon as the movie ended.

“Told you it sucked.”

The boy just shrugged, and picked up the plates and carried them to the kitchen.

“Hey, kid, let me ask you this,” Levi begun while still glaring at the screen.

“Hm?” was all he heard coming from the kitchen.

“You have homework, right? You should do it. You don’t have any other plans anyway. I can help you if you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finally acquired internet yay. From now on I will be posting a chapter a day for this story, and if I fail to do so, I will post two chapters the next day. I hope you will enjoy them.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, as I read through this I realised how much I love this chapter. Personally, I think now is when things start to get interesting. This is the part that was the most fun for me to write, really. I hope you guys like it.

On Monday morning Eren didn’t really want to get up. For the first time in what felt like ages he’d had a good weekend, and he didn’t want to let go of that. He thought back to his previous weekend, which he had spent isolated in his room, damaging his body and listening to sad music. He never would have believed that only a week later, he would be staying on a stranger’s couch, watching movies and throwing waffle batter and studying. It was all so surreal.

But he was brought back to reality quickly once Levi dragged him up from the couch, and back into his everyday life. “Can’t I just stay home?” Eren tried. He was so tired he never realised he had just called Levi’s apartment “home”, which wasn’t technically correct.

“No, you brat, you know you have to go through with this. You even completed your English essay.”

“It was more like you told me what to write.”

“You’ve got it wrong, kid, I just told you what the book, which you didn’t even read for your class, was about.”

“I wish you would stop calling me a kid,” Eren mumbled as he sipped some coffee and shoved a piece of toast in his mouth.

“You know, I’d tell you to just change schools, but I’m guessing that’s not an option because of your friend.”

“I can’t abandon him.”

“I see.”

They both finished their breakfast and got ready to leave without saying much more.

Levi dropped Eren off a block away from school, and he walked the last part with his head held down. At the gates he met up with Armin as usual, but he didn’t look like he’d had the best morning either.

“I went on a hike with grandpa, it was so much fun,” he explained. “Going back to school today wasn’t tempting at all. What about you Eren? Did you have a good weekend?”

Eren shrugged and avoided Armin’s gaze. “Same old, just hanging around. Doing some homework too.”

“Maybe next weekend we could do something together. It’s been too long since we did that.”

“Yeah, sure.” Again, Eren felt a little guilty. Because he and Armin had always spent their days together, but lately Eren hadn’t had the energy or will to get out of his room, and had therefore rejected Armin every time he asked to hang out. Armin had eventually just stopped asking, but now Eren realised that his friend had never really given up on him. And on top of that, Eren hadn’t even told Armin about him staying at Levi’s place. Armin would flip out for sure if he knew, but they were best friends after all, and Eren felt like he owed Armin the truth. Armin knew about Eren’s father being an alcoholic, but there was no way he knew how deeply it was affecting Eren. Eren made himself a mental note to tell Armin about Levi, once the time was right.

Eren managed to get through the school day without much trouble. He and Armin stuck to each other like normally, and didn’t really interact with other people. Or, more correctly, other people didn’t interact with them. At the end of the day, they said goodbye at the gates, and Eren started walking towards his meeting spot with Levi. He was unfortunate enough to run into Jean and his gang only right around the corner.

“Fancy meeting you here,” said Jean cocky.

“Shut up,” Eren mumbled and tried to walk on, but the boys purposely stood in his way.

“Not so fast, Yeager,” Jean said and stepped closer.

But before he could say anything more, a soft voice called Eren’s name in the distance. “Eren! There you are.”

He turned around to see Mikasa Ackerman walking up to him.

“I was looking for you, I thought you’d gone home already.” She was smiling to him and talking as if they spoke to one another on a daily basis.

“Mikasa!” Jean let out and took a step away from Eren. “What are you doing here? What do you want with Eren?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business, Jean,” she said coldly. “Leave us alone, will you?”

Jean seemed at a lack of what to say. He was acting clumsily and his face had turned a slight shade pink. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, Mikasa?”

“Whatever,” she said and waited for the group of guys to leave. Once they had, she turned to Eren and looked at him.

“I hope they didn’t bother you,” she said with concern in her voice.

“Uh, no I’m fine, thanks,” Eren said. He had no idea what was going on but he knew Mikasa had just saved him from getting beat up again.

“Do you want to walk home together?” she asked.

Eren avoided meeting her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry, but I’m getting a ride from a friend,” he said to her. He almost thought she looked disappointed, but couldn’t figure out how that could make any sense.

“I see, it’s ok,” she said, and Eren was about to walk on when she spoke again. “Well, do you want to eat lunch tomorrow? You can sit at our table, if you want to. Your friend can come too. Arlert, right?”

Eren was at a loss of words. The school’s most popular girl who he had barely said anything to, ever, was inviting him to eat lunch with her in the cafeteria. Him, Eren Yeager, the nobody, the person everyone ignored because he was too caught up in his own worthless mind.

“Uhm, yeah, sure, why not?” was all he said.

Mikasa let out a breath, and smiled again. “I’ll see you then,” she said and walked away from him.

He stood there looking after her until she turned a corner and disappeared from his view. Mikasa Ackerman was a nice person, sure, but there was no way she could be _that_ nice. He just couldn’t understand what had just happened.

x

The following day, Eren didn’t tell Armin about yesterday’s events. He had thought through it, and didn’t want to take the chance in case Mikasa was simply screwing him over, and had decided not to go to the cafeteria at lunch. He and Armin never went there anyway, since Jean used to be there along with his entourage.

Armin met Eren outside the chemistry lab, they’d had different classes, but Armin knew his schedule by heart, and was already there once his class was dismissed. They headed towards the doors, they ate outside as long as it was still warm enough. But before they reached their destination, he heard the voice again.

Mikasa ran up to them from behind. “You’re coming right? I was afraid you might not want to...”

Eren felt like he couldn’t reject her now that she had gone so much out of her way to actually track him down, and laughed shortly. “Of course we are,” he said and grinned before he could think of anything better.

“Good,” she said, before looking at Armin. “I’m Mikasa. I’m sure Eren told you I invited you guys to eat lunch with us.”

Armin looked at Mikasa and then at Eren, his face a big question mark that demanded an explanation. He looked as confused as Eren felt, but he mouthed “later” to Armin, and gestured for them to follow her.

At Mikasa’s table, they were introduced to some more popular people, people they generally knew the faces and names of, but had never actually spoken to. Connie Springer was a short guy, probably shorter than Levi, Eren noted, with a huge grin on his face. He seemed pretty alright, he greeted them with a joke and told them to sit down. Next to him was a red-headed girl called Sasha Braus, who seemed more interested in the food than the rest of the people around the table. Christa Lenz, Marco Bodt, Annie Leonhart, and Bertolt Hoover all introduced themselves by turn, and welcomed Eren and Armin. They were both quiet during the entire break, and too scared and confused to try to join any of the conversations.

After lunch, they hurried to class, and sat down at a couple of desks in the back.

“What the hell was that?” Armin whispered to Eren.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “Honestly, Armin, I have no idea how this happened. I was on my way home yesterday and then I met Jean, but all of a sudden Mikasa appeared and told him to leave. That’s when she insisted I eat lunch with her.”

“And it never crossed your mind to tell me about it?” Armin complained.

“Sorry, I just didn’t think she was serious. I didn’t think she’d come searching for us.”

“Now what?”

“What do you mean, now what?” Eren asked him confused.

“Do we have to sit with them again? They said they’d see us tomorrow.”

Eren shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess. At least they were nice to us.” Armin smiled nervously. “That’s true.”

x

Over the next few days, Eren and Armin did indeed have to sit at Mikasa’s table during lunch. It wasn’t actually bad or anything, just very different from what they were used to. Eren had never thought much about the “popular” kids, he’d always just assumed they were a bunch of stuck up people like Jean, and had never bothered with them. But he quickly learned that wasn’t the case at all. These people were actually alright to hang around. He discovered that he shared a few classes with some of them; English with Christa and Bertholt, Chemistry with Connie, and history with Marco and Annie. They always encouraged him to sit near them. They also started greeting him in the hallways, sometimes walking with him to the next class. Mikasa was especially likely to walk with him, even though they had no classes together. Altogether it was nice, but the best part was that Jean finally left Eren and Armin alone. Since they were suddenly surrounded by people so often, Jean never got a chance to bug them. Neither of the two complained.

One day Eren was laying on the couch watching tv, Levi came out of his room and sat down in the living room.

“I noticed you haven’t gotten any bruises lately. Did those pricks leave you alone?”

Eren looked away from the screen and at the older man instead. “Actually,” he began, somewhat unsure of how to go about it. “I think I’ve made some friends.”

Levi raised his eyebrows, and looked, if Eren wasn’t completely mistaken, a bit impressed. “What do you mean?” Levi asked.

“Well, there is this girl, my neighbour actually, she came up to me one day and asked if I wanted to have lunch with her and her friends. She’s like insanely popular, and, well, people stopped giving us crap since. I don’t really understand it myself. I mean, why she would do that but it’s nice nevertheless.”

“Maybe she fancies you?” Levi suggested without any expression on his face.

“Nah, that’s not possible,” Eren replied right away.

“Why not?”

“It just is. I think she’s just a really nice person, she’s like that to everyone.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Eren felt his anger boil, he didn’t want to discuss this whole matter. As long as Jean had stopped beating him up, and Armin was safe, everything was fine. Anything else wasn’t important.

“Why the hell would anyone care about me? I’m just a worthless nobody who can’t do anything on my own. I’m not smart, I’m not athletic, I’m not funny, not socially gifted or anything like that. Didn’t you notice? I wasn’t even able to help Armin in the end, it was Mikasa, she was the one who made things better. Without her, things would still have been the same, and now I have owe her so much that I’ll never be able to pay back. Because I can’t do shit.”

Suddenly he felt warm tears run down his cheek, and turned his head away in shame. He hadn’t meant to cry. He wiped away his tears with his sleeves, but new ones appeared. He tried to stop them, but now his whole face was boiling hot, and he felt like he’d lost control. As he sat there powerless, Levi’s arms suddenly embraced him, and pulled him into Levi’s chest.

“I’m sorry, kid. You’re still pretty unstable, aren’t you? It’s probably been a lot to take in.”

Eren gripped onto Levi’s shirt and weeped into it. Eren kept repeating “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” between his quiet sobs.

Eventually, he had to stop to breathe, and that’s when Levi brought his hand to Eren’s chin and pulled at it so he could look up at Levi.

“Don’t worry, kid. You’re doing great. It’s amazing how far you’ve gotten already, and I believe in you. You are worth so much more than you think, and I’m sure you’ll be able to see it one day too.” Then, Levi leaned down and placed his lips on Eren’s forehead.

Eren was still pretty shaken from his own outburst, and all he could do was wrap his arms around Levi and squeeze him tight. For the first time in his life, Eren felt _close_ to another human being, and he wished the moment could last forever, especially as Levi wrapped his arms around him and stroke his back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promises are made to be broken, right? Right?? No? Ok sorry. Here have a chapter. I'm not sure I knew what I was doing here. I'm so embarrassed for even writing this. Sorry.

Levi walked down the stairs while he pulled out a cigarette from his back pocket. He lit it as soon as he got outside, and aggressively inhaled the nicotine. He needed to cool down. He was feeling too protective over the boy, it was becoming overwhelming. Levi hated seeing Eren cry, but knew that he couldn’t help it. Besides, he didn’t have anyone else to cry to, Levi was sure. So essentially, Levi didn’t mind, but it made him feel like total crap not knowing what he could do to help.

He went back up to the apartment, where he had left Eren motionless on the couch. “You don’t feel like doing anything?” Levi asked him.

Eren stared mindlessly at the ceiling, and shook his head slowly, and barely enough for Levi to notice.

“Do you want anything? I can make you some hot chocolate,” he offered.

Eren took his eyes off the ceiling, and looked hesitantly at Levi. “That would be nice,” he said in a voice so low it was only luck Levi heard him.

After Levi made the hot chocolate, he asked Eren if there was anything else he wanted.

“Can you just sit here with me, please? I don’t want to be alone.”

Levi grabbed a blanket and threw it over Eren’s shoulders, before sitting down next to him.

Eren sat with his legs crossed, wrapped in the blanket, and stared at the tv screen even though it was off. He didn’t look to Levi as he spoke. “I’m sorry-”

“Stop right there,” Levi interrupted. “I’m fucking tired of hearing you’re sorry about every single thing you do like eating my food or using my shower or fucking breathing. You’re not a bother to me, I don’t mind. To be honest, I like having you around, it makes this place not so empty as before. That doesn’t mean I like people, it’s just you. You’re ok.”

“But I can’t stay here forever, freeloading off you. Besides, you don’t even have room for two people. I know I’m in the way here. I do have to do something, get a job, but I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can even do it. School is bad enough, I wonder what a job’s gonna be like. It seems so... overwhelming.”

“I have an idea,” Levi stated. “How about I speak to my boss, see if he could offer you a part-time job in the store. If it’s possible, you can save up for college.”

“Are you serious?” Eren asked unbelievably.

“Yes.”

Eren tilted to the side, and leaned his head against Levi’s shoulder. “What if I can’t do it?”

Levi reached for Eren’s hand and held it in his own. “You can. It’s easy, I promise.”

“Thank you,” Eren said and entwined his fingers into Levi’s. They sat like that until Eren fell asleep.

x

Levi’s boss did indeed need a few extra workers, and was happy to hear about Levi’s “room mate” (“you never told us you had a room mate Levi!”). Eren was hired after a short interview (it was more like a friendly conversation), and he started working 2-3 afternoons a week, in addition to Saturdays. In the beginning, Levi would stay with him for a few extra hours to make sure he wasn’t uncomfortable, and that the other co-workers were nice to him. Levi taught him how to use the cash register, how to search in the data base, putting books into the shelves and how they were organised. After a couple of weeks, Levi decided Eren would be fine on his own, and went home about the same time Eren started. Eren would take the bus to the shop after school, and sometimes he made it in time to say hi to Levi. Once Eren finished, Levi would drive to pick him up.

All of a sudden, weeks passed by in a blur. Levi had his job, and when he got home he had to help (force) Eren to do his homework, cook dinner, clean the flat, and so on. Eren was, and Levi hadn’t thought this possible, even more tired than he used to be. He often slept in the afternoons when he didn’t work, and in the evenings he exhausted his brain with schoolwork. Every once in a while, Eren threw a fit and got angry at Levi for whatever meaningless reason, and would start crying. That’s when Levi would forgive him and hold him close. Because Levi knew that Eren never meant the mean things he said. Eren was just not used to having so much going on around him. He was surrounded by people at school now, and overall his life had changed a great deal in a short amount of time. In addition to that, Levi believed that Eren was beginning to come in touch with his own feelings again. Before, Eren would probably have hurt himself physically whenever he was feeling blue, to numb the mental pain. But now, whenever Eren felt stressed or low, he would have to find some other ways of dealing with those feelings. Even though it was difficult for Eren right now, Levi was sure that all of this would help Eren in the right direction.

It was a Saturday morning that Levi drove Eren to work, and they were talking casually in the car.

“You don’t have to drive me around,” Eren said to him. “I mean it. To school as well, I can manage on my own.”

“Your school is on the other side of town,” Levi said calmly without taking his eyes off the road.

“I can take the bus,” Eren insisted. “It will be better for you as well, you can sleep longer in the mornings, and you don’t have to waste your time or anything.” Eren was looking at Levi with determined eyes. When Levi didn’t answer, those eyes became more like a puppy’s, and Eren leaned closer. “Please,” he begged, and put a hand on Levi’s on top of the gear stick. This made Levi glance over at the boy, and jerk his hand away.

“Fine. It’s fine, take the bus for god’s sake if it’s that important to you.” Levi pulled up outside the shop and didn’t want to look at Eren as he said goodbye. From the corner of his eyes, however, it looked like Eren was hurt by the sudden physical rejection made by Levi. Levi was suddenly terrified of the boy running away. “I expect you back home by six,” he said as Eren got out of the car. He didn’t answer.

x

 _This is wrong_ , Levi thought. _This is so wrong._ He was back outside his apartment building, and was desperately smoking a cigarette, while trying to calm his nerves. He didn’t know which was more upsetting, the fact that he’d hurt Eren with his outburst, or the butterflies who’d appeared in him as soon as Eren’s hand had touched his own.

“Fuck,” Levi blurted out to himself in anger. So much for being a responsible human being. He was supposed to protect the boy, not freaking develop feelings for him! It was sick, twisted, wrong. Maybe Levi was simply misunderstanding the situation, though. Perhaps, he simply felt overprotective of the boy, as a _family member_ , and therefore Eren’s affection threw him a bit off. Levi let out a low, gruesome laugh, knowing how stupid it all sounded. Because no matter how he looked at it, nothing would change the fact that Eren had become Levi’s purpose in life. Not only in the sense of having to take care of him, no, it was reaching a whole new level. Levi wanted to see the brat smile. He wanted him to be happy. He wanted him to have everything he could ever wish for, and he wanted him to be right here. Levi loved hearing Eren talk, because he knew that Eren was telling him things he wouldn’t even tell his best friend, and that meant something to Levi. He sighed, and in his mind, he admitted to himself that he never wanted the brat to go away, because Levi was having more fun that he’d ever had before when he was with the boy.

Back in his apartment, Levi grabbed a book and lay down on the couch to read it. The book was so boring he dozed off and entered a half-asleep, half-awake condition, where reality was mixed with his dreams too easily.

Levi was in a big hall, maybe inside a castle or mansion, like the ones he’d seen in movies. There was a party, a masquerade, and all around him were people dressed up in astonishing renaissance clothing, dancing and eating. Levi couldn’t see any of their faces, and no one even bothered to look at him. Then Eren appeared in front of him, wearing a black suit and a golden mask. He was looking painfully good. Eren took of his mask, stepped closer to Levi, and put his hands on Levi’s shoulders. The people around them disappeared, and they were the only ones standing in the now completely empty room. Eren bent down a little, just enough for his lips to touch Levi’s gently. Levi was suddenly consumed by lust, and grabbed Eren by the collar of his shirt, and threw him down on a queen-sized bed that had magically appeared out of nowhere. Levi climbed on top of him, running sloppy kisses down his neck. Levi ripped opened the shirt and continued down the boy’s chest. Eren moaned Levi’s name and arched towards the older man.

Levi opened his eyes before the dream could advance any further. He was still laying on his back on the couch, the book he’d been reading had fallen to the floor. He was painfully hard. While having been able to stop the dream, Levi was still not completely conscious, and therefore moved his hand down to his crouch without further thought. He stroked his hand slowly over his jeans, while replaying the events of the dream, and imagining how they would have continued. He opened the button, slid down the zip, and grabbed his own dick. At first he pulled it gently, but quickly became impatient, and increased the speed until he was jerking fast, slipping in and out of consciousness. He came with a silent moan over his fingers and his tense body loosened up. He put his arm over his eyes in shame as he realised what had just happened. “Fuck,” he repeated.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter that I'm sure I must have written while being sleep deprived.

Despite having made these new “friends”, Eren couldn’t help himself from feeling bad about it. A voice at the back of his head kept telling him they were only around cause they pitied him, and he hated the fact that he was now indebted to Mikasa and her friends. If it weren’t for Armin, he would have ignored them altogether, but Armin’s safety was Eren’s first priority, and with them, Armin was safe, and apparently happy too.

At home, things were starting to tense. Eren depended a lot on Levi, because he was the only one up until now who had managed to deal with Eren. Levi would help him through the days he felt like killing himself by snuggling close and giving him the affection and human touch he needed, as well as a good list of reasons to be alive. Levi would ignore Eren’s mean and hurtful words when he was angry at the world, and forgive him for them. Levi would help Eren with his homework, making sure he didn’t fail any classes, which had lifted a huge boulder off his shoulders. Levi had even gotten Eren a job, so that he could pay for college. If there was someone Eren was even more indebted to, it was Levi.

So when Levi jerked his hand away in the car that Saturday morning in November, Eren felt like the world around him fell apart, because it was the first time Levi had directly pulled away from Eren. It did occur to him that maybe Levi was having a bad day, but Eren’s corrupt mind wouldn’t allow him to believe that. It was his fault altogether, that Levi was growing sick of having him around.

A few tears escaped his eyes as Eren hurried towards the restroom. Inside, he wiped them away and made sure no more were coming, before going back into the shop. The entire day he felt numb, pushing his feelings as far in as possible. He smiled only at costumers, and then it was the fake smile he had almost gotten rid of lately.

When he got home that night, the urge to hurt himself was worse than it had been in weeks. Especially when he realised Levi was in a worse mood than when he left. He was reading a book on the couch when Eren came in the door, and Levi didn’t look up as he spoke.

“There are some leftovers in the fridge. I’m not feeling well, don’t bother me.” With that, Levi got up and walked into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Eren was left sad and confused, and didn’t go into the kitchen to eat. Instead, he grabbed a pair of scissors from a drawer and walked to the bathroom.

The scissors were blunt and hard to slice his skin with, but it was better than nothing. The relief he got from it was massive, but the pain was not strong enough because today, Eren truly deserved to suffer.

x

The next day, Eren was quiet, and tried not to bug Levi at all. Levi wasn’t in a mood to talk either, and walked aimlessly around the flat with a scowl on his face all day. It seemed like something was bothering him, but Eren was too insecure to ask. As the night crept in on them, Levi went into his bedroom again, and Eren stared up at the ceiling from his roof. He wasn’t able to sleep.

He had a faint hope Levi’s mood would turn back to normal, but suspected it wouldn’t unless Eren disappeared from his life. It made him sad though, because Eren was becoming so fond of Levi, it was almost unnatural. Levi had been the person to be there with him through the dark days, guiding him towards a brighter future. Tears streamed down the side of Eren’s face as he realised how much he wanted to continue to be in Levi’s life. But it was then he truly learned that nothing lasts forever, and soon he would have to leave. Because he didn’t want to be in the way of Levi’s happiness.

x

Back at school, Eren found himself lost. His friends didn’t seem real to him, and he would spend his days quietly at a table with faces he couldn’t grasp.

“Eren, are you ok?” Armin asked him after fifth period. “You seem kinda out of it today. You didn’t say a word during lunch either.”

Eren turned to him with the smile plastered on his face. “It’s nothing, I’m just tired, he said.”

Armin stopped walking, and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Don’t lie to me, Eren. What’s wrong?”

Eren was surprised, after all these days of genuine smiling, Armin had finally learned to see through him. At least somewhat, Eren thought hopefully, as he came up with a plan to avoid having to say what was _actually_ bothering him.

“There’s something I haven’t told you, and I feel really bad about it,” he said, and looked Armin in the eyes. It wasn’t a lie, Eren had been wanting to talk to Armin for a long time, but with all the new people around them, it was hard getting him alone.

Armin looked innocently surprised. “Huh? What is it?”

“It’s a long story,” Eren said seriously.

Armin looked at the watch on his wrist. “How about we skip next class? It’s just history.”

Eren couldn’t believe what Armin had suggested, and just stared at him in shock.

“Well, it sounds like you really need to talk,” Armin explained. “I think that’s more important than a mere history lesson.”

Eren mumbled an “ok” and they hurried out of the school so no one would see them sneak off. He was still in disbelief, but realised that Armin might have been the true friend he needed all along, and Eren felt an unconditional amount of love towards his childhood best friend.

They sat down on a bench in a park a block away, and were quiet for a while. Eren noticed the fog coming from their mouths as they breathed, it was getting colder outside. Winter was approaching fast. Armin looked at him with a friendly expression, waiting for him to talk.

“It’s kinda weird, I don’t know how to explain or where to even begin,” Eren started, trying to find the right words. “Well, you know about my dad, and he kept drinking a lot. I hated it, I hated him, I spent the days in my room and I wasn’t even able to move. I don’t know what came over me, really, but that’s why I never wanted to hang out or anything. It’s not that I didn’t want you around, I hope you know that.”

Armin simply nodded, but didn’t say anything because he could probably hear it in Eren’s voice that he wasn’t finished yet.

“Then, one day, I just went out for a walk. I was really sick of the face of my wall and needed some fresh air. It was pretty late and I ran into some wasted guys, guys like Jean, and they started hitting me and stuff. Before I knew it I had passed out, and awoke in a stranger’s apartment. There was a guy, his name is Levi, and he had picked me up and wanted to treat my wounds and stuff. Since I wasn’t able to move that much, I just stayed on his couch that night. The next morning I was still not feeling well, and Levi said I could stay there for a few days if I wanted. I did that cause it was better than going home, and then that worked out really well and I just stayed, and that’s where I’m living now. Levi’s the one who got me the job at the book store too. He helped me with a lot of things, actually. I wanted to tell you earlier, but the time was never right for it.”

Eren finally stopped talking, and took a long breath, while finally looking straight at Armin. He didn’t look angry, not even surprised, Eren guessed he was still taking it in.

“So, you’ve been living with a random guy?”

Eren nodded, and added a “yes”.

“For how long?” Armin asked him. “When did this happen?”

Eren thought about it, not realising that it had already been almost three months. “It’s about three months, I think. Remember that time when I was sick and away from school? That was because I was staying at his place and I didn’t want to go to school with my face all swollen.”

 _“Three months?”_ Armin said and finally showed a reaction. “You’ve been keeping this secret for _three months_?”

Eren looked to the ground. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

Armin put a hand on Eren’s shoulder and he looked back up to see Armin smiling at him. “I’m just impressed you managed to hide it so well. Especially from Mikasa, no wonder she never gets a hold of you.”

“What do you mean?” Eren asked.

“Never mind about that. I’d like to hear more about this Levi guy. Is he alright? He’s not doing anything to you? Keeping you as his personal slave or something? How old is he even? Can I meet him?”

Eren spent some time assuring Armin that Levi was indeed a decent person, and had not wronged Eren in any way. “You’d probably be scared of him. He can be pretty intimidating, and he doesn’t say much. He likes being alone and he likes calling me a brat and an idiot. But other than that, he’s a very pleasant guy. He’s even cool enough to hang out with. Sometimes, I guess. He’s like a friend to me.”

“I see,” Armin said and slowly nodded. “I’m glad you told me. But also a bit hurt that it took you so long.”

Eren looked over and saw Armin’s bittersweet expression. “I’m sorry. I know, it’s just so much happened to me at the time. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Armin said and smiled. “But you know you can talk to me, right? If there’s stuff bothering you. I’m always here for you Eren.”

Suddenly, Eren felt incredibly stupid. He always thought about how much he cared for Armin, but never realised that he cared back. Of course Eren could have gone to Armin, they had been best friends since childhood. Eren felt his eyes wet. He placed a hand on Armin’s shoulder and bowed his head.

“Thank you,” Eren said through gritted teeth, trying to hold the tears back.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sticking with Eren's POV for a few chapters. Enjoy (I have a feeling you won't).

Levi’s mood had improved a bit, but he was far from back to his normal self. Something was bothering him. By the following Friday, Eren was sure of this. Levi hadn’t bugged Eren about his homework, but been unusually strict with cleaning policies. Levi had Eren cleaning shelves, cupboards and drawers all week. Levi was also very distant. He didn’t pay attention when Eren was talking, and spent a lot of his time sitting. Just sitting. Eren had knocked on Levi’s door one day, and when there was no reply walked in to find the man simply laying on his bed and staring at nothing. Not even reading or wasting time at the computer. At least Eren now knew that whatever was making Levi acting like this, it wasn’t Eren’s fault entirely, and it made him feel a little better. Still, Eren was beginning to worry, but between school and work and homework, he hadn’t found the time (or the courage) to confront Levi about it.

At school, Eren was the distant one. He sat at the table in the cafeteria when someone poked him in the shoulder.

“Earth to Eren. Are you there?” It was Connie who was speaking.

“Yeah, sorry. Spaced out for a second,” Eren said jokingly.

“Eren," Mikasa said to make him look at her. “Marco’s holding a party on Saturday. You’re coming too.” The last part wasn’t a question, Eren could tell by the tone of her voice. He had no choice.

“Only if Armin’s going,” he said anyway, trying to at least seem like he was in control of his own whereabouts.

“Armin is coming,” Mikasa said, and sent a threatening glare towards the blonde.

Eren shrugged. “Yeah, I just have to check if it’s alright with Levi.”

“Levi? Who’s that?” Mikasa asked him.

Eren shared a quick glance with Armin, not sure how to explain. “Well, he’s like, eh, my room mate. Yeah. I live with him, that’s all.”

“I thought you lived with your dad,” Mikasa said. She hadn’t taked her eyes off Eren in a while, making him a bit uncomfortable.

“Yeah, about that... I moved.”

“I see.” Mikasa finally looked past Eren and seemed to space out herself for a moment.

“Why do you have to check if it’s alright with him?” Sasha pointed out. This caught Eren off guard, but he came up with an excuse.

“You know, I don’t want to bother him by coming home too late or something.”

After that, the people at the table discussed the party between themselves, asked about who was coming, what the dress code was, and what kind of booze they were bringing.

The bus ride from school to Levi’s flat took Eren about 40 minutes, sometimes longer depending on the traffic. It gave him plenty of time every day to reflect on his own life. And it was true, that things had gotten better for Eren. Even though he didn’t trust any of his friends, and still felt like it was all too good to be true, he felt better with his life in general. His smiles had been more genuine lately, and he didn’t feel like giving himself crap all of the time. Since he had managed to pass in all of his classes, and even gotten some better grades, he felt like he wasn’t completely good for nothing anymore. And he was happy with his job too. Eren knew he couldn’t have done any of it without Levi’s help, and felt a wave of gratitude, and something else he couldn’t quite put his finger on, come over him.

Eren walked through the door and saw Levi sitting on the couch, curled up into a ball, and watching tv. Or, looking like he was watching tv (the sound was so low he couldn’t possibly hear what they were saying). Eren took of his shoes and dropped his bag to the floor before walking over. “Levi, I need to talk to you,” he said while looking down at the man.

Levi didn’t take his eyes of the screen. “What is it?”

Eren sat down next to him. “Please, tell me what’s going on. You haven’t been acting yourself lately.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Eren got closer. He didn’t know why, it was like a second nature to him, he always felt drawn towards Levi for some reason. “I’m worried about you. I really am. I wish you would talk to me. I know I’m just a kid or whatever, who hasn’t even seen shit yet, but I can listen.”

Levi finally looked over. “You’re worried about me?” he asked.

“Yes, very much.”

To Eren’s surprise, Levi hit himself in the forehead. “Ah, you idiot! There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just still not feeling very well.”

Eren put a hand on Levi’s knee and squeezed gently. Eren knew the lie too well; he had told it himself countless of times in the past. “Please, Levi, tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded.

Levi put his hand on top of Eren’s and looked him in the eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Then, he placed his forehead on Eren’s, and closed his eyes for a moment. Eren stared at the face he had grown so accustomed to in the last months, and couldn’t possibly imagine ever being without it. How had Eren even lived before he met Levi? He couldn’t remember. All he knew was that he needed Levi in his life. But a voice in his head kept telling him it was wrong. Wrong to want someone like this. Wrong to love a person 9 years older than himself, and a man on top of that. It was wrong, to take advantage of his kindness. To Levi, Eren was just a boy who had nowhere to go, and needed a helping hand.

Levi lifted his hand and wiped away a tear from Eren’s cheek that he hadn’t realised was there. “Brat, I’m the one who’s supposed to be feeling down,” Levi said softly.

Eren smiled at him and opened his mouth, but Levi placed his index finger on top of Eren’s lips before he had the chance to say the words.

The next thing he knew, Levi pulled away and got up from the couch. “Are you hungry? Let’s cook some dinner.”

They spent most of the afternoon and evening in silence. Eren was afraid of upsetting Levi, now that he finally seemed to be feeling better, so Eren just refrained from talking at all. But there was still one thing he needed to ask about.

“Hey, Levi?” he tried nervously.

“Yes?” Levi answered without looking up from his book. “I’m just wondering, tomorrow, when I finish work, if it’s ok that I, like, uh, go see some friends?”

“You don’t need to ask me for permission. I’m not your dad. And I doubt you’d listen to me if I was.”

“Yeah, well I just wanted to make sure you don’t mind. I don’t want to bother you by coming in late or something.”

“Do you know what time you’ll be home, approximately?”

“Maybe like 11 or 12 I guess...”

“It’s fine. Have fun.”

Eren didn’t know why he had lied. He probably could have been honest and just told Levi about the party. But for some reason Eren was afraid Levi would hesitate to let him go if he did. He still felt bad about it though. More than he had in a long while.

x

Eren hadn’t known what to expect but as he walked up the driveway of Marco’s house, he realised it was not this. Armin was already there, and had texted him constantly for the whole bus ride it took Eren to get there, begging him to hurry. Eren didn’t ring the bell, he just walked into the house. No one would have heard the it anyway, the music was too loud. He walked through the hall and into what seemed like the living room, and the first thing he saw was Sasha on top of Connie in the couch, making out. It hit Eren that parties in real life might be exactly the same as parties in movies.

There were people everywhere, and Eren searched for a good five minutes before finding Armin. He was with Marco, Bertholdt, and a blonde muscular guy Eren had never seen before.

“Eren! I’m glad you made it,” Marco said. “How was work?”

They talked for a while, Eren told them about his work and complimented Marco on his home.

“This is Reiner by the way, he goes to a college nearby.”

“Then what are you doing at a lame high school party like this?” Eren said jokingly.

Reiner just laughed and shrugged. “Who knows?” he said, but Eren could swear his eyes glanced towards Bertholdt for a second.

“You know, I think Mikasa was looking for you,” Marco suddenly said, trying to suppress a grin.

“Yeah, she was definitely asking about you, now that you mention it,” Bertholdt said.

Eren didn’t say anything, he couldn’t figure out why everyone was always so obsessed with the girl, so he changed the subject quickly. “Armin, can you show me where the bathroom is?”

Armin took the hint and nodded right away. They got away and instead of going to the bathroom, they went into the kitchen to talk in private.

“What kind of party is this, anyway?” Eren asked accusingly. “I just saw Sasha and Connie dry-humping on the couch for Christ’s sake!”

“I know, it’s crazy!” Armin replied. “I think they got here pretty early, so they were already wasted by the time I got here.”

“Are you drinking?” Eren asked him.

“No, I drove here so I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Wise choice,” Eren agreed.

“So what do we do, how do these parties even work?” Armin asked.

“I don’t know, just do whatever the others are doing. Like Marco, he’s pretty reliable.”

Armin nodded, and they went back into the crowded living room to talk to some more people.

It didn’t take long before Mikasa found Eren, and she seemed happy to see him.

“Eren, how are you?” she asked him. “Do you want a drink, I can get you one.” She disappeared into the crowd before Eren had the chance to protest, and was soon back with a big plastic cup of... something. Eren smelled it, and grimaced. Mikasa laughed at him. “Silly! You’re not supposed to smell it, that’s just nasty. You have to drink it without thinking to much of the taste.”

“What is it?” he asked while taking a tiny sip from the cup.

“Vodka and orange juice,” she said. “I think I made it a bit strong, I didn’t realise you’ve never drunk any before.”

“It’s fine,” Eren said, and took another sip, bigger this time, to show Mikasa it wasn’t too strong for him.

Eren kept drinking because he didn’t want anyone to think of him as a wuss, and before he knew it, things around him was blurry and moved more slowly. Armin asked him is he was okay, and he ensured him with a huge grin on his face that he was perfectly good. Everything was suddenly ten times funnier, and Eren laughed at pretty much everything.

“You should take it easy on the booze,” Marco warned him friendly. “Here, come with me.”

Marco gave Eren a glass of water, and forced him to gulp it down. He had two more, before putting the glass back on the counter.

“Eren, listen to me. Don’t drink anymore tonight, if you’re thirsty, get some more water. If you do that, you’ll be fine. Do you understand?”

Eren nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I hear you. By the way, this party rocks!”

Marco smiled at him. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”

Eren walked around the house and talked to people, some of them he knew, but most were new to him.

Mikasa appeared before him again, and this time she looked worried. “Are you alright?” she asked.

Eren smiled as assuringly as he could. “Yes! Yes, I am.”

“Maybe you should lie down for a bit.”

When Eren didn’t reply, Mikasa grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs and into a room.

“This is Marco’s brother’s room. No one should bother us in here.”

She had Eren sit on a small couch and he looked around the room. It was big, probably bigger than Levi’s living room, and filled with various furniture like a closet, desk, and a huge queen size bed.

Mikasa sat down next to him, without letting go of his hand. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” she asked him again.

This time, Eren pulled himself together a bit better, and met her eyes. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. Maybe I had a bit to drink but it’s not a problem.”

He was as serious as he could pull off. In addition, Eren lured his fingers into the empty space between Mikasa’s. It was honestly only a reflex he had picked up somewhere else, and didn’t put much thought into it before it was too late. Mikasa’s lips curved happily and she squeezed gently on his hand. Then, she crawled closer to him, and kissed him.

Eren had never kissed anyone before, and while being drunk on top of that, was sure to deliver a lousy response. He had no idea what to do. He felt Mikasa’s lips on top of his own, and she pressed against him. Before he could think further, he decided to try to simply go with it, and pressed his head back towards her. She smiled into his face, before opening her lips on top of his. He copied her actions, and soon had her tongue inside his mouth. It was a good feeling. To feel the warmth of a tongue so close, and exploring each others mouths was an interesting exercise, and entirely different from what Eren could have imagined.

When Mikasa finally pulled away, Eren stared at her with unbelief. “What was that for?” he said, suddenly feeling a lot more sober than earlier.

“Isn’t it obvious? I like you.” She stared into his eyes with a serious expression on her face.

“Why?” he asked her confused.

“You don’t get it, do you?” she said and laughed slightly. “There are many good things about you, Eren. You’re brave and kind. You love your friends unconditionally, at least Armin. I’m not sure if you’d consider me a friend. I’ve always looked up to you, ever since we were kids. I’ve always had a crush on you, but I never had the courage to tell you, until now. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yes,” said Eren, now being completely out of things to say.

“You should have more faith in yourself. You’re worth more than you think.”

“It’s funny, that’s exactly what Levi says too.”

“Perhaps you should listen to us then.”

Eren didn’t say any more. He sat there in silence as Mikasa snuggled into his lap and lay her head on his chest. She hooked her arms around his back, and he put his own around her as well. It seemed like something he’d be expected to do in this situation.

“Will you go out with me?” she asked him.

“Yeah,” he said, and neither of them moved for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry. Believe me. I don't even ship them.
> 
> WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 
> 
> I can explain. I just needed this because it's everything that I don't want and I love to hurt myself like that. Does this even make any sense? I'm so sorry, it's about 2.30 in the morning and I should be sleeping ok night.
> 
> I hope you'll keep reading.


	13. Chapter 13

When Eren opened his eyes, he was still in the room of Marco’s brother, with Mikasa wrapped around him. It took him a few seconds to realise he had fallen asleep, and then looked around for a clock of any sorts. There was one on the nightstand, but it was too far away for Eren to see the time. He carefully freed himself from Mikasa’s hold, she had also fallen asleep, and moved over to the nightstand. As the awful truth sank in, Eren started panicking. It was already well past one.

Eren ran down the stairs, clumsily, noticing the alcohol was still in his system. He prayed that Armin would still be there, and he was lucky, for he found Armin in the hallway, just about to leave.

“Please, can you take me home?” Eren said hastily.

“Yeah, of course. But where have you been all this time? I was worried you got sick.”

“No, I’m fine, just please, I need to get home.”

Armin looked over at Eren as they got into the old car.

“Eren, what’s going on? Did something happen?” he asked suspiciously.

“Well, we kinda fell asleep and I told Levi I’d be home by twelve the latest.”

“Who’s we?”

Eren hesitated. “Mikasa and I.” He could see Armin’s eyebrows raise, but chose to ignore it for now. “Never mind that, I can explain everything later. I hope Levi’s not up, I wouldn’t want to face him right now.”

“Do you think he’d wait for you?”

“I doubt it. But he doesn’t sleep a lot. He’s a night owl I guess. Just not tonight, I hope.”

Eren explained the way as well as he could, but he was still under the influence, and it was dark, so they managed to get a few turns wrong before finally stopping outside the apartment building.

“Thanks!” Eren said as he jumped out of the car.

“Call me when you’re sober,” Armin said, and drove off.

Eren pressed the entrance code and opened the door. He made it up the stairs, but not without struggle. It was hard to walk straight, his body was heavily sedated and his head throbbed from the alcohol and probably out of fear as well. He started to regret all those drinks. He found the door to the apartment had not been locked, and snuck inside as quietly as he could. He took off his shoes, and hung up his jacket before slowly making his way towards the bathroom.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

Levi’s voice was like ice running down Eren’s spine. Levi was sitting on the arm of the couch, with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. A small lamp was lit in the corner.

“I’m sorry, Levi, I really am, I kinda fell asleep and-”

“Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Please, I can explain,” Eren started, but didn’t quite know how to continue. He tried standing up straight, and had a finger in front of him and a hand on his waist. “Just listen to me...” he trailed off, and lost his balance, almost falling over.

“Have you been _drinking_?” Levi asked him.

Eren looked away in shame. “No, I-”

“Don’t you fucking lie to me. Tell me, are you fucking insane? Do you remember what happened the last time you lurked around this area at night? And you’re fucking drunk! Did you even think about what could happen to you? I was fucking worried about you, you fucking prick. I thought something might’ve happened.”

“I’m sorry,” Eren whispered.

Levi was angry, more than Eren had ever seen him before, and it made Eren afraid. But Levi didn’t move at first, he simply sat there, staring at the nothing in front of him. For a moment he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m fucking going to bed,” he said. Then, he got up, walked past Eren, locked the door, and walked straight into his bedroom without another word.

x

When Eren awoke next morning, he thought it might all have been just a bad dream, and he felt absolutely fine for a short moment. Then he sat up on the couch, and the heaviness hit his head like a rock. He groaned, and felt another pain in his stomach, probably signalling he was hungry, but he wasn’t too sure. All he knew, was that he was feeling unwell.  
Eren reached for his cell phone, which he had left on the table the night before, and picked it up to see he had received a message from Mikasa. Now he was certain that none of it had been a dream. He dialed Armin’s number, and waited impatiently for him to pick up.

“Hello, Eren? How are you?”

“I feel like shit.”

“Was Levi mad?”

“Fucking pissed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I just hope it won’t last. It’s too bad, cause he’s just started going back to normal as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, never mind about that. Man, my head really hurts.”

“You should drink lots of water and take some ibuprofen.”

“Thanks, I will.”

“Are you going to tell me what happened with Mikasa?”

Eren hesitated. He’d hoped he wouldn’t have to, but expected it nonetheless. “She kissed me.”

“Wow, really? Was she drunk?” Armin sounded surprised.

“I don’t know, maybe. If she was, she hid it well, I couldn’t tell.”

“Is that all?”

“We’re dating now.” Eren didn’t sound enthusiastic or happy when he said this. He was too tired.

“For real?”

“Yeah. She texted me too, asking if I’m ok.”

“I’m happy for you, Eren. Mikasa’s a great girl.”

“Thanks. What about you, did you have fun at the party?”

“Yeah, I did, actually. I met a lot of cool people. I never knew such nice people existed.”

They talked a bit more about the party, before hanging up. Just as Eren put his phone back on the table, Levi appeared in the door frame across the room. Eren stared at him. Levi looked tired, more than usual. He was wearing a pair of grey pyjama pants and a white long sleeved shirt. His hair was a mess. It was sad how incredibly attractive he looked like that. But Eren pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

“How are you feeling?” Levi said in a sarcastic tone.

“Levi, I’m really sorry.”

“Whatever. I’d try to think of a punishment for you, but I’m guessing the hangover does the job.” He walked over to the kitchen. “I’m disappointed though. If you were going to a party you could have just told me. I might even have offered to pick you up.”

“I thought you wouldn’t be fine with it.”

“I told you didn’t I? I’m not your dad. Besides, why would I not be fine with it? Don’t you think I went to parties and got myself shitfaced when I was your age?”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“With other people?”

“I guess.”

“I wonder what that must have been like. You as a teenager I mean. Or rather, you as a social person. With friends and stuff.”

“Shut your mouth, brat.”

“Can you tell me more?”

“Maybe if you get your ass over here.”

The two spent the remainder of the weekend making fun of each other.

x

On Monday morning, Eren was walking down the hallway with Armin, when Mikasa came up to them.

“Can I get a word with you?” she asked.

Armin exchanged a quick glance with Eren, and walked off with a stupid grin on his face.

“What’s up?” Eren asked her, as he couldn’t think of anything better to say.

“Do you remember everything that happened at the party?” she asked. “Yeah.”

“Are you still up for it? Going out, I mean.”

“Sure.” Eren had to stop himself from shrugging as he talked.

Mikasa’s eyes lit up, she must have been nervous. She probably thought Eren would’ve regretted his words once he sobered up. “Then, do you want to hang out?” she asked.

“Yeah, we could do that. I have work today but I’m free tomorrow after school.”

“Great. It’s a date.” Mikasa leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, before running off. Eren continued to class where he met up with Armin.

x

There were two very simple reasons why Eren had agreed to go out with Mikasa. He honestly hadn’t known she was into him, so he had been surprised when she first kissed him at the party. But somehow, Eren managed to think quickly, and came up with the right reasons before she had even asked.

One: as long as Mikasa and her friends were around, Jean didn’t bother him or Armin. If Eren rejected Mikasa, she might completely ice them out, and they’d go back to being Jean’s punching bag. Eren had to keep protecting Armin.

Two: Eren had to get over his feelings for Levi, and he had to make sure Levi wasn’t aware of them. Even if he wasn’t able to get over them, at least with Mikasa around, Levi wouldn’t get suspicious and kick him out. Or freak out again, if Eren incidentally breached the physical barrier.

x

“By the way, I won’t be home after school tomorrow,” Eren said across the kitchen table. He and Levi were eating dinner.

“You got a date?” The question was asked ironically, and Eren felt his heart sink as he didn’t know how to break the news.

“Actually, yeah. I guess.”

Levi looked up from his food and over at Eren, clearly surprised. “ _What_?” Levi said, attempting to show no emotion.

“There’s a girl at school, Mikasa. She asked if I wanted to go out.”

“That’s the girl you were talking about before?”

“Yes.” Eren was afraid of looking at Levi, not knowing what to expect. Part of him was hoping Levi would be mad and jealous, because quite honestly, Eren felt like he’d have all reason to be. But Eren knew that there was no chance of that happening. Yes, him and Levi had shared some, in Eren’s eyes, rather intimate moments, but he was convinced that Levi was doing it to help him get better. Levi wanted Eren to be able to stand on in own feet one day, and that’s why he had to do this. When he finally looked over at the older man, he met an expression of stone. It was impenetrable, and Eren couldn’t have analysed it if he studied for a thousand years.

“That’s nice,” Levi said to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even reading this anymore


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say wow, I was overwhelmed by the feedback I got on the previous chapter. I honestly didn't think people bothered with this fic, but wow you guys seem to really like it. Wow. I don't even know what to say, except thank you so much, your kind words mean the world to me. I love you guys. 
> 
> There is one thing I hope you will forgive me for, though. English is not my native language and therefore some mistakes can appear without my notice. So if you do see any, don't hesitate to tell me! 
> 
> This chapter is Levi's pov again.

Levi was truly happy that Eren had gotten himself a girlfriend. No, really. It was good for him. It would help him. His confidence would grow, and he would learn how to take care of another person too. It was all good.

Eren spent more and more of his days out of the apartment, leaving Levi alone as he had used to be. Sometimes, it felt like Eren didn’t live there at all anymore. Those moments were the ones where Levi had to question his own sanity. Although he missed having the boy around, he also knew that it was for the best. Of course, the feelings involved had to be incinerated. It was obvious by now that it was all one-sided anyway, which made Levi somewhat sad. It was true that the odds had always been against them, but in the midst of it all, he had been so sure there was something between the two of them. By the way they would caress each other so lovingly, you’d think there had to be? But no, Levi had been wrong. When Levi thought about it further, he deduced that Eren had craved intimacy, as a natural result of being isolated for so long, and that had been all there was to it. Then he got himself a girlfriend, and it was all working out the way it should. Eren was becoming a regular teenager and Levi was slowly going back to his old lifestyle.

That itself was lonely though. Until he met Eren, Levi had never known how much certain people could grow on him. He’d always been by himself, until that brat came along and made him tell crap jokes and cook dinner and watch shitty movies together, and life had made so much more sense to him. Now that Eren was taking that away from him, he couldn’t help but feeling _hurt_.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_ Levi thought to himself. _Getting worked up over a teenage boy._ He leaned his head back and exhaled a large breath of smoke. “I’m fucked up,” he said, to no one in particular. “I’m so fucking fucked up.”

Fog continued to escape his mouth, not because of the cigarette, but because of the cool temperature that had finally reached the town. For a moment, Levi remembered being a kid and playing outside during winters, pretending that he was a dragon and that he was breathing fire. Why was he thinking about that now?

He went back inside, took of his shoes and jacket, and started doing some laundry. Eren came in through the doors about half an hour later, earlier than usual these days.

“Did you have fun with you girlfriend?” Levi asked, teasingly and coldly at the same time.

“Yeah, it was alright,” Eren said and shrugged.

It annoyed Levi. It annoyed him, because Eren seemed completely indifferent to the fact that this Mikasa was totally crazy about him. If Eren liked her, he should have been all up in the clouds and lovesick like any normal teenager. It would have been better that way, because at least then Levi would be absolutely sure that things were as they should be, but with Eren’s behaviour like this, it made Levi angry at Mikasa for not making Eren happy enough. It made Levi think that maybe, just maybe, Eren didn’t actually care about the girl at all, but had some weird reasons for seeing her anyway. Maybe, just maybe... no. Levi would never let his thoughts go any further. It was more likely that Eren was still simply recovering from his depression, and had fallen into a rough patch again. Although it didn’t make Levi feel any better, at least it explained Eren’s behaviour.

“Hey,” Eren started, bringing Levi out of his thoughts. “It’s been a while since we, well, hung out or anything. Do you feel like doing something?”

“Are you hungry?” Levi asked.

“I could eat,” Eren said.

They decided to go out for some fast food, for once. After eating at a place not too far away (they had actually walked there), they stopped by a movie rental shop. Levi picked the movie this time, and just to piss Eren off, he chose the movie that looked the worst. Back in the flat, they watched it together, but Levi had to kick himself in the ass, because Eren complained the whole way through. He also threw popcorn at Levi as a way to amuse himself, which Levi did not take lightly, pausing the movie mid-way to make Eren clean up.

“This is better than watching the movie anyway,” the boy stated. Levi made him finish it.

After the movie had ended, they sat on the couch for a while, not talking to each other. Neither of the two moved, Levi didn’t want to let go of their moment, there were few of them lately. He had no idea why Eren lingered around.

“You’re still young,” Eren suddenly said to Levi.

“I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be offended by that,” he replied.

“No, it’s just, I just wondered... do you have any plans? For your future?” This question caught Levi off guard.

“Not really.”

“None? What about, like, getting married and having kids or getting a career or whatever it is people do?”

“Not my thing. What is this, all of a sudden? I don’t remember announcing today was question day.”

Eren avoided meeting Levi’s eyes from the other side of the couch. He was on his back, and looking up at the ceiling instead. “Just wondering,” he said. “I thought it was something everyone did. Plan ahead, I mean. Or at least dream a little.”

“I guess it would be nice to move out of this shitty neighbourhood.”

Eren smiled weakly. He then sat up, cross-legged, and looked nervously at the older man. “By the way,” he began, fiddling with his hands. “Next Thursday... do you think it would be possible for me to get the day off?”

“You are asking me because?”

“You get along with the boss. I was hoping you could talk to him for me.”

Levi raised his eyebrows. “You’ve got a lot of nerve these days, brat. Going to another party?”

Eren looked into his hands, clearly uncomfortable by asking, but it seemed important to him. He had never asked Levi for anything like this before. Levi realised he shouldn’t have been so harsh.

“It’s my birthday.” He didn’t look up.

“Really? You never told me. You’ll be eighteen, right? I’d say that’s reason enough for a celebration.”

“Mikasa wants to take me to this restaurant, I guess. Maybe with some other people too.”

Of course Mikasa would do something like that. Levi was disappointed, he would have wanted to spend the day with Eren as well, but of course that wasn’t happening. “I’ll take care of it,” Levi said.

“Wow, really?” Eren eyes lit up. “Thank you. It means a lot to me.”

“You’re that excited about turning legal, huh?” There was a pause, and this time it was Levi who looked to the side. “Tell me, kid. Is there anything you want?”

“Uh,” Eren hesitated. “No. Not really.”

“Are you sure? I can get you a present, you know.”

“No. I’m fine. I don’t want anything. Please, don’t worry about it.”

When Levi looked over, Eren was grinning and waving his hand for Levi to forget about it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First just let me say wow I love you people. Really. I mean I like to write but of course I'm insecure about it so I never expected this fic to be so well received. Thank you so much.
> 
> I think it's time for another confession though. I kinda hate this fic but I also kinda love it. Idk. Either way, now I just want to finish it cause I started writing another one, that I feel is at least a little better. I can't wait to show you people my new fic, I'm actually super excited about it. 
> 
> So yeah. There aren't that many chapters left here. I'm gonna stay true to my words and keep it 19 chapters (I'm pretty sure).

The fact that Eren and Mikasa were an item, spread across the school like a wildfire. Of course it helped a lot that Mikasa would walk with him through the hallways, always holding his hand, and not holding back on the PDA. It turned out that Mikasa loved to make out.

None of the members of their group seemed very surprised, and the boys at the lunch table grinned and held their thumbs up at Eren, while the girls kept whining about how adorable they looked together.

They went on dates a lot, either to the movies or for milkshakes or just hung out at the mall. Sometimes only the two of them, and that’s when Mikasa would take the liberty of touching Eren in places he didn’t even know he had, and other times they would be with people from school. Eren didn’t really mind it. He was content. He was safe, Armin was safe, they were popular, had lots of friends, and Eren wasn’t in danger of failing any of his classes anymore. He even had a job. It was more than he had ever hoped to achieve in his life, and he was terrified of messing things up. He tried his best to keep things the way they were.

It was Mikasa who insisted on celebrating his birthday at the local diner with a 50s theme that played music by Elvis Presley, and which made Eren feel like he was in Grease. The reason she knew the date was because she had asked Armin about it. Eren hadn’t wanted her to make such a big deal about it among their group of friends, but it was already too late. Despite his initial feelings on the matter, Eren started to realise he was a bit excited as well after all. It might be fun. Of course, Mikasa invited pretty much everyone they knew, and had probably threatened them into coming.

On the morning of Eren’s birthday, Mikasa found him before even Armin. She took his hand without saying a word, and dragged him behind the corner of a locker. She squeezed her hands around his waist and kissed him, a little hard, on the mouth.

“Happy birthday, Eren,” she said and smiled at him. She looked very happy.

“Thanks,” he said sheepishly.

x

The whole gang was gathered at the diner after school, and loudly celebrating Eren’s birthday. Marco bought him a beer, which was mandatory since he was now legally allowed to drink, Connie gave him a pack of condoms, discreetly, which he put into his pockets before anyone could notice. Sasha bought him a the hugest meal consisting of a burger, chips, and salad, which she later ate the leftovers of, and Christa gave him a photo of him and Mikasa together. In the photo, they were sitting next to each other at a café, holding hands, Mikasa looking at him while he was smiling at something outside of the frame. It was a cute photo indeed. Eren hadn’t even known of its existence before now. Armin gave him a book titled ‘100 places to visit before you die’. All in all it was a good celebration, and Eren enjoyed himself.

It was only around 7 when the first people left, and within an hour most of the group were gone.

“It’s still early,” Mikasa said to him. “Do you want to go back to my place?”

Eren hesitated at the question. It wasn’t so much going back with Mikasa that was the issue, but going back to that building. He knew the chances were slim, but he couldn’t help imagining running into his father in the stairs or something. And the thought of being in a room next-door, wasn't very tempting either.

Armin and Sasha, who were the only people still with them, took Mikasa’s question as their clue to leave.

“See you tomorrow! Have a good one, Eren,” Sasha said and waved happily at him with a grin on her face.

Armin just shot Eren a look clearly saying he was expecting a call tonight.

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea,” Eren said when they were finally alone. “It’s not you, it’s just-”

“I know, Eren,” she interrupted him. “You don’t want to go to the apartment building because of your father.”

Eren looked at her in disbelief. “How did you-”

“I see him sometimes in the hall. But it’s fine. My parents are divorced. We can go to my mom’s place.”

Eren felt ashamed that he didn’t know this fact, but didn’t say it. He simply nodded, and they left the diner too.

“I’m pretty sure my step-siblings are out. My mom too. The only person there would be my step-dad, but he won’t bother us.”

They were standing outside a house and Eren felt his nerves working themselves up. He wasn’t sure what Mikasa expected of him, but it hit him when she said these words that she might want to go further than he had imagined. As they walked through the hallway, Mikasa was lazily pointing at doors and telling Eren what the different rooms contained. They reached her bedroom at the end, without running in to any other person, and walked inside.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

Eren looked around. The room was tidy, more than he’d imagined for a teenage girl. There was a small, old tv in the corner, and a desk with lots of pictures on them. Eren didn’t know any of the people in them except for Mikasa. Next to the door, there was a huge double bed. Eren sat down on the edge of it. Mikasa walked around the bed and threw her jacket and bag on a chair next to it. She held out her hand, signalling Eren to give her his jacket too. He did.

Mikasa the got on the bed herself, and crawled over to Eren. She lured her arms around his chest from the back, and talked into his ear. “I really hope you had fun today.”

“Thanks, I really did.” Eren turned around and climbed onto the bed to sit next to Mikasa.

They leaned against the wall and looked at each other, subtly playing with each other hands.

“I love you,” she said.

“I...” Eren trailed off.

He couldn’t say it back. As used as he was to lying, there was no way he could stare into the girl's eyes and tell her he loved her. It wasn’t right.

“It’s ok,” Mikasa then said. “I know you don’t believe in yourself, and I know you don’t believe anyone could love you. I know you don’t believe me. But it’s ok, because I will be here and I will try every day to show you how much care about you, until one day you will know too, and then you can say it back.”

Eren wasn’t sure how to respond, so instead he pressed his lips to hers, and she willingly opened her mouth so that their tongues could meet.

They sunk down to a lying position, and continued to make out. Mikasa had one hand on the back of Eren’s head, and the other on his collarbone, while Eren kept his own lightly at her waist. She grabbed his hand and let it gently upwards and onto her breast.

“You can touch me,” she told him. She began running her fingers herself, and slid her hand up and down his inner thighs.

Eren closed his eyes and squeezed carefully. It wasn’t soft as he had imagined. He squeezed harder, and realised it was her bra that made her breasts feel so hard. He run his hand up and down Mikasa’s upper body, feeling the perfectly proportioned curves. It was true that she was beautiful. Eren had never touched a girl like this before, and had to admit it was interesting. But even so, it did nothing for his dick. Feeling up the girl was fun, but not that kind of fun.

He tried, he really did. But even with Mikasa’s hand stroking him over his jeans and sucking on his neck, he was only able to get it half-way up. After a while, Eren took her by the shoulders and pushed her away.

“Mikasa. I don’t think we should do it like this.”

“You don’t want to?” she asked confused, and that was one look he had never seen on her face before.

“Not tonight. I’d like to wait.”

Mikasa was clearly surprised, but didn’t waste any time trying to hide it. “Yeah, of course. If that’s what you want.”

“I’d better get home actually, it’s getting late. Levi’s probably waiting for me.”

“Why? I thought he was just your room mate.”

“He is. I mean, he’s my friend too. I didn’t see him this morning so I just thought he wanted to wish me happy birthday or something. And he’s got work tomorrow and I don’t have a key so I wouldn’t want to keep him up.”

Mikasa walked him to the door, seemingly disappointed. Once Eren was in the doorway and about to say goodbye, he leaned over and kissed her, hugging her tightly as he did. He smiled as he pulled away. “Thank you for today. It was great.”

She looked a bit happier when he walked off.

x

Eren noticed the strange atmosphere the minute he stepped into the apartment. It was dark, too dark. He turned on the liight over the door, and was able to see the silhouette of Levi over on the couch in the living room.

“Christ, Levi, what are you doing over there? Trying to summon the devil?”

Eren took off his jacked and scarf and hung them up by the entrance. He only took one step towards Levi before noticing the bottle of scotch and the empty glass on the table. “Uhm, Levi?” he asked hesitantly. “Is everything alright?”

Levi looked up to him, but it was too dark for Eren to make out the expression on his face. “Did you have fun?” the man asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Eren mumbled.

“What about your girlfriend? Was she good to you?”

Eren had a sinister feeling to his gut. “Yeah. Levi, what’s this about?”

Levi wasn’t looking at Eren now, but at the bottle in front of him.

“Do you love her?”

“Are you drunk?” Eren asked angrily, getting annoyed at the man for acting this way.

“Do you _love_ her?” Levi repeated.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Eren snapped. “Why are you asking me this? It’s not even any of your business. It’s not like you care anyway!” Eren hadn’t meant to yell, but his anger got the best of him, and he felt more like a child than ever.

Levi picked up the bottle and gulped down what must have been a big mouthful. He then got up from the couch, and walked towards Eren. Eren took a few steps back, only to hit the wall behind him. Before he had the time to think or react, Levi had grabbed his shirt by the collar, and pulled him forcefully down. Their mouths collided, and before Eren even knew what was going on, Levi had his tongue in his mouth, and was running a hand over his crotch. Eren’s eyes widened as Levi pressed their lips further together and squeezed through his jeans. Levi let go, and stared him directly in the eyes.

“Happy fucking birthday Eren.”

He slammed the bedroom door loudly behind him.

Eren was left alone in the room, more confused than ever. The taste of alcohol still in his mouth, and his dick already hard. What the hell had just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm yeah. I hope you enjoyed? don't take this too seriously guys


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can't believe you guys like this fic, I feel so honored in a way. 
> 
> Tbh I started writing this fic as an outlet for my personal feelings at the time, and saw it as a way to get some practice in writing. Before I knew it this turned out a lot longer than I had meant for it to be, I just assumed I'd drop it once I got over my Ereri phase. Now I realise I HAVE to finish it, because of you guys, and it makes me kind of proud I guess.  
> But I am so afraid that you are gonna be disappointed by this story. I used to be all like "I write what I want so deal with it" but you guys actually care about this. So yeah. I'm so sorry if I disappoint you. I just have a lot of feelings ok.
> 
> Also, I kinda feel sorry for Mikasa. Because even though I'm not a fan of EreMika I still like her as a character. I wanted to make her kind of obsessed, but not mean or bad in any way, and also I wanted to make Eren a jerk because why not. Idk. Still, compared to my next fic this Eren is a saint.
> 
> Sorry for my rambling, go on, have a chapter.

As if waking up with the headache wasn’t bad enough, the memories that came rushing back could’ve made Levi kill himself on the spot, he was sure. Why had he thought it was a good idea to have a drink last night? One drink had turned into many, and his drunken mind had acted on his own. 

Of course Levi was frustrated. He was frustrated, because he had seen Eren smile and laugh out of joy, but also cried from sadness, and whenever he returned from being with his girlfriend, he seemed more apathetic than ever. Maybe even tired. It was annoying, because Levi knew Eren had the potential to be a lot happier, but Mikasa apparently didn’t do that. And yet Eren chose to spend every second he could with her, which Levi could not for the love of god understand. And then there was the question of what the two were actually doing together. Levi knew that it really wasn’t any of his business, but he couldn’t help but be infuriated at the thought of them sleeping together. He was jealous, and although he’d never admit it out loud, that was probably what had driven him to kiss the boy.

He thought about this as he stared at the ceiling from his bed. He didn’t want to get up, and see Eren, but he knew he couldn’t avoid it. After all, they lived together. Besides, he had to get to work.

Eren was already awake and eating in the kitchen. Or, he was pushing his cereal around in the bowl, while drinking the coffee that was originally intended for Levi. 

“Good morning,” Eren said nervously and glanced over at him. 

Levi only grunted. Silence followed as he got a bowl of his own and poured food into it, before sitting down at the table. 

“You were drunk when I got home last night,” Eren started saying. 

“No shit,” Levi replied. 

“Do you remember what happened?” the younger boy asked, and in that moment Levi decided to handle the situation in a way he knew he was good at. By ignoring it. 

“Do I fucking look like I remember shit?” Levi snapped and angrily stood up from the table. He threw away his food, got dressed, and went straight to work.  

x

Levi picked up a newspaper at the desk. There weren’t that many customers today, so he didn’t mind watching the cash register for once. 

“What’s that? You moving, Levi?” A co-worker had looked over Levi’s shoulder, and tried to make conversation. 

“Just looking at the prices. It would be better for us to get some more space. Both me and Eren.”

“I still can’t get used to the fact that you guys live together. Like, how does that work? Eren is such a good guy and you’re, well, you. I can’t imagine you guys getting along at all.”

Levi ignored the other man and pulled out a pen. He circled a number for a flat he might call later. 

It was Eren who had made Levi start thinking about it all. The future. Levi had never had any dreams or anything, he had simply existed, in a world that seemed to move onward way too fast. He occasionally read some books, but spent most of his time cleaning, and that was what his life had been for the past three years. 

Now, he had finally met someone who made it a little more worthwhile. But Levi knew that Eren was busy with his girlfriend, and might even be going to college soon. Either way, Levi wanted to help him. If Eren was up for it, they could share a flat where Eren could get his own room, and they could continue to be friends. Or something. Even if Levi’s feelings weren’t returned, he wanted to make sure the boy was able to navigate his way through life. He wanted to make sure Eren was happy, and Levi would be there for him no matter what happened.  

He thought about this for a while, and decided he would bring it up with Eren at an appropriate time. Not today, because, well, things would probably still be awkward between them. 

As Levi finished work and began walking towards his car, he looked into the windows of the shops he passed. He saw books, shoes, and cosmetics, among other things, none of which actually interested him. Until, he saw a slim, dark brown leather jacket, hanging on a mannequin. It took him a few seconds to realise he had stopped, and was staring at the jacket in awe. It would look good on Eren, Levi was sure.  

x

To Levi’s surprise, Eren was already home when he walked through the door and into the flat. The boy was casually watching tv with a lazy expression on his face. He didn’t say anything, not even hello. 

“Chin up, brat.” 

Eren lifted his gaze towards Levi, and it was almost sad to see how offended he still was. 

“I got you a present,” Levi told him, and handed him a plastic bag. 

“You didn’t have too,” Eren mumbled as he accepted. 

“I just thought it would fit you. You might not be able to use it now though. Maybe when it gets warmer.” 

Eren took the jacket out of the bag, and stared at it for a long time. “Wow. Is it real leather?” 

“What do you take me for?” Levi said and rolled his eyes. “Do you like it?” 

“It’s really cool.” Eren couldn’t stop staring. 

“Put it on,” Levi suggested. 

Levi had been right about the jacket. It fit Eren perfectly. It was slim like his body, and he looked stunningly handsome, and not to mention grown up, in it. The jeans helped give him an overall badass look. For a second, Levi wanted to see Eren wearing nothing but the jacket, but quickly pushed the thought away.  

“It’s really comfortable. I’ve always wanted a jacket like this. Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it, kid.” Levi said and turned away to hide his face, just in case he was blushing. 

“How did you know?” Eren asked him. 

Levi shrugged. “Intuition. I guess I just know you well.”

“Too bad it’s so cold right now. I would’ve worn it every day.” 

“Yeah, it’s too bad.” 

x

It was awkward for a few more days, but Eren never mentioned the kiss. Most of the time he avoided Levi, until one day Eren made a joke which led Levi to chuckle faintly, and after that the tension disappeared gradually. Levi assumed it was just Eren’s teenage brain that was helping him forget easier. Days continued to pass more quickly than Levi would like them too. During his lunch break at work, he had called to ask about the apartment from the newspaper, but figured it wouldn’t do. He tried looking for more. He had yet to talk to Eren about the subject, because so many things were going on right now, and Levi was probably also nervous about Eren rejecting the idea altogether.

It was a Saturday morning in December that they sat at the kitchen table, slowly trying to come to terms with the world. 

“Brat,” Levi spoke. 

“What?” the younger replied with a yawn. 

“Now that you’re of legal age and everything, I think you should speak to your father.” 

Eren awoke completely at this sentence. “Why should I?” he demanded. 

“I think you should let him know where you’re staying. And talk to him, maybe it’ll do you some good. Get your passport and stuff, too. There must be some things still left at your place. Perhaps we could do the paperwork right. I mean, if you want to. You might not, if you talk to him though. Maybe it’s not too late to fix things.” 

Eren didn’t respond, and went to work after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is really boring but I promise next chapter is gonna be so good it's the best.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be my favourite chapter of the fic, I guess. I think you'll like it.

His thoughts were everywhere lately. At school, where he had to keep his grades stable, as well as convince the world he was into Mikasa. He had to stay on good terms with his friends and co-workers too. At home there was Levi. Eren wanted Levi to think that he was in love with his girlfriend too, but he wasn’t able to lie around the older man. Not as well, anyway. And on his birthday Levi had gotten drunk and kissed him, which had made Eren’s world spin for the few second it lasted, before pretending like it never happened. He wasn’t sure what to think about that, but it seemed like Levi had a lot on his mind lately, which led Eren to believe it was his way of coping with things. And when Levi asked Eren to talk to his dad, he had no idea what to think. 

_Maybe it’s not too late to fix things._

Those were the words that resonated in Eren’s head, and to him, they could only mean one thing; Levi wanted Eren to move back home. 

It made him sad, because he enjoyed life with Levi. Even if it was awkward at times and they barely even saw each other these days and he was living on a couch, Eren had wanted to stay. Of course, the more he thought about it, the more clear it became to him that this had never been a permanent living condition. It couldn’t be. Not only was it inappropriate, but Levi was bound to get fed up with Eren eventually.

And Eren now had to consider Mikasa when thinking about the future. Still, the furthest he was able to think ahead was a few weeks. In a few weeks, he would probably be in the exact same place. Unless Levi was very serious about him going back to his previous home. College and student life were words he couldn’t grasp the meaning of, and wasn’t sure those things were ever gonna come to him.  

Eren found himself in the break room at work, mindlessly chewing on a piece of fruit. He was bored, extremely bored, and picked up the closest newspaper. The co-worker came in at that exact moment, and sat down with him. 

“Seems like someone’s interested in moving,” Eren said just to make conversation. The paper had been open at the house section, and there were several places that were circled.

“Yeah, Levi was looking at those. Said something about that too.” 

Eren quickly looked up. “Levi did?” 

“Yeah, I thought you knew though, don’t you guys share a flat?” 

For a moment, Eren forgot to breathe. If Levi wanted to move, it was true that he might leave Eren behind after all. Suddenly, he felt so cold and scared, more than he had been in months, and all he wanted to do was isolate himself from the world. He wanted to run out the shop, go back home to his room, lock the door, and mutilate his body while listening to depressing music. The feeling was so strong, Eren thought he was about to pass out. He gripped on to the table and almost fell off the chair. 

“Hey there, you alright?” The co-worker was looking concerned at him now. 

Eren was able to focus. “What happened?” 

“You almost fell to the floor, kid. You should drink some water. Maybe you should just go home, even.” 

“No, I’m fine,” Eren insisted. 

“You don’t look fine to me, by the expression on your face, it looked like you were in pain. I’ll tell the boss.” 

It was mortifyingly humiliating as the co-worker called Levi to come pick Eren up, but it was necessary. He wasn’t able to talk or move for a while, he just stared emptily in front of him. Back in the apartment, he lay on his back, and couldn’t think for a very long time. 

“Do you want me to call a doctor?” Levi asked him. “You look really ill.” 

“No. Don’t.”  

Hours passed, and it was getting pretty late when Eren came to again. He snapped into consciousness by the sound of his phone. He answered without seeing who was calling.

“Hello, Eren.” It was Mikasa. “Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” she asked him. 

“I can’t,” Eren replied. “I’m not feeling well.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t know, I just feel really dizzy and stuff. Couldn’t even work today.” 

“Do you need anything? I can come over and-”

“No, it’s fine. You don’t need to come here. I just need some rest.” 

Eren realised he had been a bit too harsh with her, but he didn’t feel like handling Mikasa right now. As soon as they had hung up, he forcefully put his phone down, and fell back to the couch. He pulled his legs up, and bit his lower lips hard while staring at the ceiling. It was useless, the tears came anyway, and silently rolled down the sides of his face.

“Why are you crying, Eren?” Levi asked him. 

Eren hadn’t realised Levi was standing in the kitchen doorframe with his arms crossed. “I don’t know,” Eren said and tried his best to maintain a normal expression, but felt his mouth stretch into a thin line. He wasn’t able to move, he felt completely paralysed, much like in those months before he had met Levi. 

“That’s bullshit.” 

Eren brought his hand up to his mouth, and bit it hard on the back to hold back a sob. “Did you hear?” he asked. 

“Yes.” He was talking about the conversation with Mikasa, but didn’t need to explain that to Levi. 

“Mikasa seems to care about you a lot, Eren. You should be nicer to her. I know you can.” Levi came over, and sat down on the couch next to Eren’s legs. “Tell me what’s wrong, Eren. Is this about her?” 

Eren shook his head. 

Levi took a hold of Eren’s hand. “You’ve always known you can talk to me. When did you start having trouble with that?” 

Eren still didn’t say anything. 

“Don’t you trust me?” 

He couldn’t answer. Eren realised in that moment that he was only being a bother to those around him. Levi who was stuck trying to cheer him up, Mikasa who put so much effort into their relationship, Armin, who still hung around even though he had made new friends. It was true, that if Eren were to kill himself now, no one had to suffer.

“I can’t take it. Any of it.” The words escaped his mouth before he had the chance to stop them. 

Levi’s face sunk into a worried expression. “Oh, Eren.” He put a hand on Eren’s knee. “Eren, please, tell me what I can do. I can take you to a doctor, a therapist, anything. I’ll do anything for you.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Eren’s words were barely recognisable between his crying, but somehow Levi understood him. “You’re leaving me too, aren’t you?” he cried.

“No one’s leaving you, Eren.” 

“Well you fucking should! Stop taking pity on me and let me die already. A person like me shouldn’t be alive.” 

Levi’s grasp tightened around Eren’s knee, and the older man leaned his forehead onto it. He silently began shaking, clutching onto Eren. Eren was stunned, Levi was actually crying on him, _for him_. 

“What the hell are you doing? Stop wasting your tears on me and get on with your life, please,” Eren begged. 

“You don’t fucking get it, do you?” Levi said through gritted teeth. “You think you can just walk into someone’s life and act all stupid and silly and like yourself and make them smile and actually feel something more than emptiness for once, just to fucking abandon them. Don’t you see it? There are people around you in every direction! You think it’s just a coincidence, you think that once you’re popular you stay popular and that your meeting with Mikasa was just luck. But you’re so wrong, Eren. You don’t realise that people _like_ you, they _want_ to be around you because you’re a fucking fantastic human being. Your girlfriend is head over heels in love with you and you have a best friend who stays with you, not just because you tried to protect him or because he feels like he owes it to you, but because he wants to. And you have me too, I am here for you and I will always support you no matter what happens. I can’t see what you’re seeing at all.” 

They were both quiet for a while. Eren had both his arms over his face and cried into them, while Levi stayed in his position. 

“Then what about the ads? For the apartments?”

“ _That’s_ what this is about?” Levi called out. “You fucking idiot, you made me _cry_ over _that_?” Levi sounded more relaxed and more like himself. “I was looking for a place with more space, for the _two_ of us. So that you could have a room of your own. So that you could have your girlfriend or friends over, or whatever. I was just looking.” 

“But you asked me... you asked me to try and fix things with my father. I thought you wanted me to move back there.” 

“I just wanted you to tell him where you are and how you’re doing. I know you don’t like him, but it might be easier to maintain a relation with him when there’s some distance between you.” 

Levi leaned over and cupped his hand around Eren’s cheek. “You’re so dense sometimes. Don’t over-think like that again. Don’t make assumptions. I won’t leave you unless you ask me to.” 

Eren took the hand in his own and held it to his face. He cried some more, and fell asleep because he was exhausted. 

x

Back at school, Eren started stressing again. Spending the rest of the weekend with Levi had been good to his mental health, but at school Eren found himself alone. Not literally, Mikasa was never too far away, and Armin always stuck to his side. Nevertheless, Eren felt lonely. 

He excused himself from their table at lunch without an explanation. 

“Eren, what’s wrong?” Mikasa asked and got up to follow him. 

“Nothing, I’m fine,” he said irritated. “I just need a moment.” 

He walked away from his friends, and out to the empty school yard. He sat down at a cold bench, and put his hands into the pockets of his winter jacket. 

“Really, Eren, what’s going on?” It was Armin that had followed him, and Eren was a thousand times grateful for that. 

“I don’t really know. I’m just pissed off for no reason.” 

“Did something happen?” Armin asked and sat down next to him. 

“No. Everything was fine, or, well, I was kind in a dark mood this weekend but then Levi cheered me up, and things were fine. I was having so much fun and laughing and now I just...” he trailed off.

Armin didn’t say anything. 

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, you know? It’s only like, six months left of school and we’ll be going to college and stuff. Levi said he’d like to move to a bigger place, with me, and I guess I’d like that too. I mean, I really want that. But at the same time, it’s just like, he’s doing so much for me and I’m just living with him for free. I’d like to repay him somehow. And did you know he bought me this really cool jacket for my birthday? I’ll wear it when it gets warmer, you’ll see it then. I can’t wait. Oh my god, listen to me, it’s like I have ADHD or something.” 

“I think you might,” Armin said with his tongue out. 

“Shut up,” Eren said and hit him friendly to the side. 

“I’m sorry for saying this Eren, but why are you dating Mikasa?” 

Eren groaned loudly and rolled his eyes. “Not this again, Levi won’t shut up about it either.” 

“I’m serious. Do you like her?” 

He stared at the cold air in front of him, and gave the most sincere answer he was able to create. “Mikasa’s really nice. She’s pretty too. She would never do anything to hurt me, and she’s provided me with protection. She’s provided you with protection.”

“Don’t tell me you’re with her because of me?” 

“But don’t you think it’s better this way? Don’t you think our lives are better now that we don’t have to face Jean every day?” 

“You should break up with her.” 

Eren turned his head to look at Armin in surprise. “You can’t be serious. What about everything we’ve accomplished?” 

“Listen to yourself, Eren. You’re not being fair to anyone by doing this. You’re lying to Mikasa, and to yourself. And you’re being childish. Do you really think your friends will abandon you just because your relationship ends? You’re a part of the group now too, and everyone will support you no matter what you chose.” 

“Do you really think so?” 

“Yes. Don’t you realise how much people like you? Eren, you’re not popular because you’re dating Mikasa, you’re popular because you’re you.” 

“But what about her?” 

“She’ll be fine. She has lots of friends to be there for her and she is still the prettiest girl in the school. She’ll be on the rebound before you can even blink.”

“I’ll think about it, I guess,” Eren said. 


	18. Chapter 18

Eren didn’t really have time to think about anything, because soon midterms were all over him, and he spent all of his free time studying. He really wanted to get into college now, and his confidence was increasing, slowly but surely. Mikasa, being the perfect girlfriend, completely understood and gave him the space he needed to focus on his tests. Armin helped him as well, they questioned each other in their common subjects, and at home Levi would quiz him in the rest.

One day in the final week before winter vacation began, Eren got home from work in the evening. He didn’t have any tests the next day, which meant he could try to relax a little. He noticed Levi wasn’t in the living room, so Eren walked over and knocked on the bedroom door. 

“Come in,” he heard from behind it. 

Eren opened the door and saw Levi lying on his back on the bed, his feet dangling over the edge. “What’s up?” Eren asked him. 

“Do you want to sit?” Levi gestured for the boy to join him on the bed. 

Eren obeyed, it wasn’t often he was invited in to Levi’s personal space like this.  “Is everything alright?” Eren asked when Levi didn’t say anything. 

The older man frowned deeply. “I’m pissed off.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Eren sighed. “You know you can, right? I don’t mind. I want to hear what’s on your mind.” 

Levi got up to a sitting position, and stared at the wall in front of him as he spoke. “It’s not something you can understand. You’re just a kid. And it’s... personal.” 

“Wait, you have feelings too?” 

“Not funny.”

“Sorry. But really. You’ve been there for me through every of my crap moods. Maybe I won’t understand but at least I can listen.” 

Levi took a deep breath. “I got a phone call from Erwin, and it pissed me off. He’s the last person I want to hear from on this earth.” 

“Who’s Erwin?” Eren asked. He’d never heard the name before, and didn’t even know Levi knew people. 

“My ex,” Levi said apathetically. 

Ex. It took a few seconds before the words hit Eren. “Ex? Ex-, as in ex-... boyfriend?!” 

“No, he’s my ex-housemaid. What the fuck do you think.” 

“Does that mean you’re gay?”

“I guess.” 

Eren had never known. He might have had an idea after the kiss, but he knew that might also have been the alcohol acting. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, so had always just assumed not.  “What did he want?” he asked kindly. 

“I don’t know. To get laid. Said he was lonely. Said he missed me. That fucking prick.”

“And you’re upset because you still have feelings for him?” 

Levi’s eyes widened at this, and he made a grimace with his face. “God no. I’m upset because I spent years chasing after him, only to end up dumped, rejected, hurt, and humiliated. And now, when I’ve _finally_   moved on, he fucking calls me to tell me he’s lonely. Does he fucking expect me to come back to him. No way.” 

“What did you say to him?” 

“To piss off.” 

“Good work. You don’t think he’ll call you again, do you?” 

“I’ll block his number if he does.” 

“He might honestly have changed though.” 

“I don’t care. I don’t want him anymore.”

The two men sat at the edge of the bed, not speaking after that. Eren stared longingly at Levi, and Levi stared at the floor. When he finally looked back at Eren, their faces where close and expressions serious. Levi’s face was tired, but not unhappy. Annoyed, but glad that he had someone there with him. His hair was unorganised after laying down, but Eren thought it looked better like that. Levi’s lips were thin and looked so fragile from where Eren sat.

Eren didn’t think, he just _acted_. 

The space between them closed as Eren placed his lips on top of the older man’s. He put his arms on his lower back, and deepened the kiss by pushing his tongue into the other mouth. At first, Levi barely responded, only moved his lips faintly. But after a few seconds, he grabbed Eren by his shirt and pushed him back onto the bed. With great aggression and dominance, Levi forced their tongues to meet again. Eren ran his hands up Levi’s back, while Levi had one on Eren’s hip and the other in his hair, pulling it. Their bodies were grinding lustfully together, and Levi moaned into Eren’s mouth.

Just as quickly as it had started, Levi pulled away from Eren. “This is not happening,” he said and sat back on the edge. 

“What’s wrong?” Eren asked and supported himself with his elbows, looking at Levi’s back. 

“ _What’s wrong?_ What the fuck _isn’t_ wrong with this situation? This is wrong on so many levels I could write a fucking novel.” 

“Is it the age gap?” 

“That would be the introduction. You’re a fucking kid.” 

“No I’m not. I’m of legal age.”

“This is so fucked up.” Levi took a deep breath. “And what about your girlfriend?”

“I don’t care about her,” Eren said. 

“You’re an ass.” 

“But you love me.” 

Levi didn’t reply. 

Eren sat up behind him, and talked calmly. “The age doesn’t really matter. Who’s gonna care anyway? You don’t have any family and neither do I, if you don’t count my sorry excuse for a father. My friends would probably be weirded out but they’d accept it after adjusting. You don’t have any friends, so what other people think isn’t really an issue if you think about it.” 

“Are you trying to offend me?” 

“The most important thing is what you and I think. And I know I love spending my days with you. I know you have helped me more than anyone, and I can’t imagine being anywhere else than with you. You’re the only person I can trust, and probably ever will. I mean, sure I have my friends, and some of them are pretty cool, but not as cool as you. There are some things I just can’t share with anyone other than you.” 

There was a long pause.

“I’m sorry, Eren, but I can’t let this happen.” 

Eren got up from the bed, and didn’t look at Levi as he walked towards the door. “You always have to be such a responsible person. Doing the right thing.” He smiled bittersweetly as he walked out. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one more chapter... I'm kind of sad to see this end, especially since I've learned so much during this process, and I've had a great time. I thought a lot about how to end it too, and although I considered other ways, I think the way I chose is appropriate, and I prefer it that way. You'll see.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I'm so proud that I actually finished something. Like, this is a major achievement for me. 
> 
> I'm sorry about the delay, I've been working on this for days now. Also, I'm not sure how it turned out, since it is the very first time for me writing something like this. Now, I don't want to spoil anything, but I think you understand what I mean by something like this. So yeah, sorry for my lack of experience in that department. Also please excuse any mistakes, it is now 5 in the morning where I am, and I've been staying up in order to finish this for you guys.
> 
> I really hope this will make you happy though. I am overwhelmed by all of your nice comments and kudos, I never in a million years imagined people would like what I wrote, so yeah, thanks to all people who have been reading this. 
> 
> Really, thanks.

It was the last day of school before the break, and everyone was desperate to get home. As soon as the bell rang and signalled the Christmas holiday, the halls turned into a chaos of people hurrying to get out.

“Mikasa!” Eren shouted over the crowd as he got a glimpse of the black haired girl. 

She immediately came up to him. 

“I’ve been looking for you,” he said. 

She smiled, and took his hand as they walked out the main doors. She continued to walk along the pavement, but Eren held her back. 

“Let’s sit down for a bit. I have something to talk to you about.” 

They sat down on a bench in the now abandoned school yard, and she looked peacefully at him.  Eren felt bad about what he was about to say, but he knew it had to be said. 

“I’m sorry, but this isn’t going to work anymore. I’m breaking up with you.” He watched as her face expression went from ignorantly happy to disappointed and sad. 

“Why?” she asked him. “I don’t love you. I wish I could, you’re a wonderful girl, and I want you to be happy. But I can’t give you that. I’m doing this now so that we’ll have some time apart, so that you won’t have to see me at school in the morning. And even when the time comes for that, I don’t expect us to be friends or pretend like nothing’s ever happened between us, but I’d like for us to at least not be, like, fighting or anything. I’d like for us to still get along. I’m sorry. I really am.” 

Mikasa was brave, she smiled sweetly and didn’t shed a tear. “I don’t know what to say. I mean, I had a feeling this was going to happen one day, but... wow. I’m so sad.” 

Eren gripped her hand and squeezed it lightly. “Are you going to be ok?” he asked her. 

“Yes. Of course I am. It’s ok, Eren. It’s life. But it kind of sucks sometimes.” 

“You know it’s not your fault? It’s not something you did or anything like that. It just doesn’t feel right. Besides, I think I might be...”

“Gay.” 

“What? How did you-?” 

Mikasa shrugged and looked into the air. “Starting with the fact that you refused to sleep with me? Then there’s the way you talk about your so-called room mate. Your face, it lights up in a way.” She straightened her back and pushed out her chest, trying to look unaffected. “Just do me one favour, Eren.” 

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell our friends right away. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me being dumped for another guy.”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t want them to think I’m on the rebound with my room mate either.”  

x

When Eren got home that day, Levi was already there. He was standing in the kitchen, cooking some dinner, Eren assumed. The radio was on for once, and Christmas music filled the flat. Levi hadn’t decorated or anything, it didn’t seem like something he would do, but Eren thought it was nice to have at least some Christmas spirit present, so he turned up the sound. 

Levi was slicing some vegetables on the kitchen counter, and Eren walked straight over to him without a word. He slid his arms around the older man’s waist from behind, and buried his face into his neck. Eren hugged him tightly. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Levi said, but made no move to remove the boy. 

“I broke up with Mikasa,” Eren told him. 

For a moment Levi went completely quiet. He silently put away the knife that was in his hands, and wiped his hands on a towel, taking his time doing it. 

Then he turned around and gripped Eren by the head, dragging him down onto his lips. They didn’t open their mouths, instead they stayed with their bodies pressed together, lips touching, and eyes closed. Eren encircled his arms around Levi’s waist, while Levi wrapped his around the taller boy’s neck. 

Eren let out a sound that was a mix between a deep breath and a moan, and Levi broke their lips apart, and just looked into Eren’s eyes. Eren placed his forehead on Levi’s and they shared a speechless moment of intimacy. 

“I want you,” Eren whispered. 

Levi nodded, grabbed Eren’s hand, and led him to the bedroom. There, he was placed on the bed in a sitting position, and all the while Levi remained silent. But when he sat down in front of the boy, one knee between his legs, and a hand on his face, Levi asked him: “Are you sure about this? We don’t have to do it if you’re not ready.” 

Eren took a hold of Levi’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m sure. I really want to.” 

Levi smiled at him, a smile he rarely got to see, it was warm and _safe_ , and instead of continuing where they had left off, Levi leaned in and hugged Eren tightly. Eren hugged him back, and when they pulled apart, Eren couldn’t help but grin stupidly. 

Levi found his way back to Eren’s lips, and this time their mouths were already halfway open when they collided. They kissed messily, impatient, and wetly, and it reminded Eren a bit of his lousy first kiss. The difference was that this time, he was completely sober, and, it felt 100% more right. He wasn’t ashamed of his own inexperience, instead he laughed into Levi’s mouth, and ran his hands up and down the other man’s body. 

Levi was careful with his hands, touching Eren but doing so lightly, almost as if he was afraid Eren would break. He didn’t speak, only caressed Eren with his mouth, and soon enough he dragged his lips down the boy’s neck. Noises escaped Eren’s mouth, which made Levi smile and look back into his eyes. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Levi said. 

“Thank you. I love you.” 

Levi buried his face in Eren’s neck, presumably due to embarrassment or inability to compose a coherent response, that’s what Eren told himself anyway. Levi continued to leave small kisses on his neck, until he reached the hem. That’s when he grabbed Eren’s t-shirt at his jeans, and pulled it slowly off of him. Once the shirt was gone, he leaned down to kiss the boy again. He ran his hands over the now naked upper body, and it made Eren feel all fuzzy and warm. 

Levi’s shirt was next, but Eren fumbled with the buttons, which made Levi chuckle. 

“Sorry,” Eren mumbled, he was getting self-conscious now. 

“Don’t be,” Levi said and placed his own hands over Eren’s to help him out. Once the shirt was gone they went back to each others lips, hands roaming their bare skin, and moans escaping their mouths. An especially loud one from Eren when Levi slipped a hand into his pants, and began massaging his hard member. 

“Levi,” Eren groaned as he bit onto the older man’s shoulder. 

Levi quickly unbuttoned Eren’s pants and pulled them off. He stared down at the almost naked boy, taking in the view in front of him. Eren only now remembered that he was covered in scars, and Levi was examining his entire body. This made Eren blush, and pull his arms over his body defensively. 

“Don’t be ashamed,” Levi begun, tracing his fingers over the fading scars. “I don’t find them repulsive. They’re a part of you. And I accept you, all of you.” 

Eren pulled him in for another kiss, and he could feel Levi’s erection through his pants, which made him even more excited himself. He started pulling the pants off the other man, but Levi had other plans. He ducked down to Eren’s chest, and kissed him, going further and further down. He lingered at Eren’s left nipple, sucking it lightly, which made Eren moan loudly and thrust his hips towards Levi. 

“Be patient, brat,” Levi said to him in a loving tone, before descending even further. Levi was now tracing kisses at the hem of Eren’s boxers, and after a few moments, he slowly pulled them off to reveal Eren’s erection in all its glory. 

Eren hid his face in his hands for a second, a little embarrassed, but Levi pulled at his hands. 

“Look at me, boy,” and Eren had no choice but to watch as the older man ran his tongue from base to tip, making him cry out in anxious pleasure. 

Levi then swirled his tongue around the head before taking the erection into his mouth. He moved his head along as he sucked, slowly at first, but gradually increased the pace as he heard the sounds coming from Eren. 

Eren opened his mouth to announce that he was close, but was unable to compose any actual words, and instead he came into Levi’s mouth without a warning. 

“That was fast,” Levi mumbled as he wiped his lips with the back of his hands. 

Eren tried rolling over to his side, exhausted by the activities, but Levi held him back by the shoulder. “I’m not done with you yet,” he said and they kissed again. 

Eren finally succeeded in pulling off Levi’s pants, and he clumsily stroked the erection that was halfway out of his boxers. Levi let out a strained groan, and Eren giggled. 

“Shut up, ughn, stupid kid,” Levi managed to say. 

Then he got up from the bed, much to Eren’s dismay, and walked over to the closet. Although Eren didn’t mind the view, Levi’s complete and naked body except for the pair of boxers still at his hips, he preferred having the man close. 

As Eren made a disapproving whine, Levi turned and tossed him a bottle. Eren somehow caught it, and looked down to find a bottle of lube in his hands. 

“I assume you know how this works,” Levi said as he walked back to the bed. 

Although Eren suddenly felt a bit flustered and nervous, he couldn’t help but laugh out loud. 

“Now what?” asked Levi in a peeved voice.

“I just can’t believe you have this in your apartment,” Eren commented. 

Levi sent him an annoyed glare. “I’m gay, remember?”

“Yeah but still.” 

Eren didn’t get the chance to say anything else because Levi went back to kissing him, and quite frankly, he didn’t mind. As they lay on the bed, making out, Eren knew that he had found the right place for him, and it was right there in Levi’s arms. Whatever nervousness he had been feeling evaporated, and instead his excitement was renewed.

Levi ran his hands up Eren’s thighs and squeezed, not so gently anymore, it seemed like he was getting much excited too. Then he held three fingers up in front of Eren. 

“Lick,” he ordered.

Eren took the fingers into his mouth, and coated them with a tick layer of saliva, while never taking his gaze off those clouded, dark eyes in front of him. 

Levi then moved his hand between Eren’s legs, and began rubbing the area around the opening. “This might hurt a little,” he said, before entering the first finger. 

Eren bit his lower lip, and clung onto Levi’s shoulders. Levi pulled the finger in and out a few times, before hitting a particular sensitive spot which made Eren thrust toward him with a loud moan. Levi then smiled, and entered a second finger, and shortly after a third. 

He pulled out, and positioned himself properly between Eren’s legs. He grabbed the bottle of lube and applied it generously to his own erection. “Are you ready?” he asked and stared into Eren’s eyes. 

“Yes,” Eren replied with a huge grin on his face.

It was painful at first, Eren thought, but after a few slow thrust the pain was replaced with a sweet, wonderful, magical sensation, and he couldn’t stop himself from moaning louder, much louder, than before. 

“Faster,” he begged between the moans and wrapped his legs around Levi’s waist. The older man granted his wish, and increased the pace, while gripping onto Eren’s shoulder and thigh. 

Again, Eren climaxed early, he blamed his age and inexperience, but the sound that had supposed to be Levi’s name and ended up as an incomprehensible groan, made Levi smirk with those gorgeous lips, and Eren thought that all was well. Just a few more thrusts later, and Levi came inside of Eren, filling him with the wet and sticky fluid. 

Levi pulled out, and collapsed next to Eren. Eren turned his head to look at him. Levi was covered in sweat and had his signature frown on his forehead, but Eren knew that the man was not unhappy. He leaned in, and Levi shifted to the side so that he could wrap his arms around Eren. They lay like that, with their legs entangled, sweaty and out of breath. 

“Will you stay with me?” Eren asked into Levi’s chest. 

“Yes,” Levi replied. “Always.” 


End file.
